missing you

I fully realize that I’m a grown, married woman of 30-something age.  But sometimes I still feel like that insecure, naive but hopeful high school girl of the 90s.  

I miss her some days. 

Back then I was preoccupied with adolescent dramas involving the opposite sex, making the grades, basketball games and looking ahead to college and an unknown life that held the possibilities of, well, anything at all really.  The future promised days of excitement and elusive grown-upness.  And there have been those kind of days so that’s a good thing.  Although now that I really am a grown-up, it isn’t as glamorous as I thought it would be. 

I miss my friends from high school.  Most of us have lost touch now as people seem to do as they go their seperate ways but that makes me sad.  I’m not sure why we let that happen but maybe most aren’t as sentimental as I am.  Many nights I dream about them.  Silly, nonsensical dreams of absurd events.  But I usually wake up smiling.  Our little group used to get together at least once a year but it seems like it’s been over three years now since we’ve done that.  I think it’s time to hunt them up and plan a shin-dig.  Sometimes I get all nostalgic that way. 

Random thing that just popped in my noggin…”nostalgic”…sounds like an ointment of some sort doesn’t it?

Then there are a few, well ok just one in particular really, who have irritated me to the point of no longer even attempting to keep in touch because they don’t seem interested in having me in their lives anymore.  (If you are reading this blog, then I’m probably not talking about you so just chill out – as we used to say back in the day.)  That pains me because I thought we’d be friends for always and forever.  Just like we promised each other in purple ink in the back of our yearbooks.  But things don’t always work out like we think and people do change, for better or worse.  I suppose if it doesn’t bother them, then it shouldn’t bother me either.  It does anyway though.  Because I’m a sensitive soul like that.

It’s just funny to rewind and put yourself back in your teenage mind and remember how you thought your life would turn out.  And then look at the present and laugh at how different it is.   

I need to lighten up.  Too much thinking on a Friday.

5 thoughts on “missing you

  1. Dude, I totally hear you. One of my best friends since the sixth grade decided after she graduated college and married into a very, very rich family that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me. (Which I find amusing because she was dirt poor growing up, unlike me, and I never looked down on her. Not that I was rich or anything, but still.) I got an email about her wedding a few years ago, how excited she was and all the extravagent expenses and the European honeymoon she was going to take, but then no invitation.) Sorry, my comment turned into a rant. But anyway, I hear what you’re sayin’.

  2. I don’t really feel nostalgic for friends that I had back then. I have kept in touch with just about everyone that is worth keeping in touch with.

  3. Very good post! I too dream about my classmates from school quite often and sometimes even wake up believing that the dreams have beem much more than just dreams. But the truth is, people who were once my best friends in school, well, I haven’t heard from them in the eight years since we received our high school diplomas. At first, it really hurt, but now, I’ve forced myself to just not really care anymore. If they really want to get back in touch, they can look me up, but if not, oh well…. Overall, I think I kinda like the group of friends I have now even better than most of the people I went to school with anyway.

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