Archive | 4:29 am

Bean update & hormonal ramblings

1 Mar

Two big things in the life of Bean…

1. In six more days The Accountant and I will hopefully know if we will be new parents to a baby girl or boy Finnster!  I wonder if that will make it feel more real?  You’d think my burgeoning belly would knock me over with the reality but so far all it’s done is to make me feel like I’m walking around in someone else’s body desperately searching for bigger pants. 

2. I felt Bean move for the first time this past weekend!  I was driving home from my parent’s, Maroon5 on the radio and felt three or four little “plink plinks”.  Like little bubbles bursting in my tummy.  Dad said it was Bean pooting.  Ha!  (Isn’t that a goofy word – “pooting”?)  Since then I’ve felt the plinks several times and more fluttery-type feelings.  It will be cool when The Accountant can feel the kicks too. 

I’ll be honest, so far being pregnant has just been weird.  As in not real yet like I mentioned.  I haven’t been able to bring myself to buy anything for Bean yet for some reason and the “nursery” is no where near livable for adult or infant.  I know this will change soon (it has too) but for now, I just feel strange.  Or something.  Like it’s happening to someone else.

I’m very distracted at work and everywhere else too I guess.  Everything seems to be so much smaller somehow.  Unimportant.  Trivial.  So the which-a-ma-which numbers in the blahditty-blahditty column should have been switched around?  And it seems so-and-so should do such-and-such to fix what-and-what strategic process?  I’m sorry, could you repeat that?  Screw that report and who cares about that meeting!  Because HELLO, the doctor seems to think that I AM GROWING AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEING…..IN. MY. BELLY!!!!!!!! 

People treat you different when you’re pregnant.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it’s slightly freaking me out how people look at my belly when I walk by.  Are they checking out the growth progress or what?  I guess so.  Folks who don’t normally have much to say to me are asking me how I’m feeling.  I even had an entire conversation with the check out guy at Old Navy last night.  All because he noticed I was buying maternity jeans.  I’m sure the questions, comments and looks will become more frequent as I show more, and it’s fine.  It doesn’t annoy me or anything.  It’s just, and I’ll say it again, weird. 

It’s also strange to think about Bean arriving because I know (as people are oh-so fond of telling me these days), that life will “never be the same”.  That’s a scary thought for me.  After nearly nine years of marriage you get used to how things are, your routines, how your relationship works, how the household runs.  Will the dynamic between The Accountant and I change?  Will I become one of those highly stressed, over protective, psycho moms?  Will I still enjoy or even have time to read a book, go shopping, fart around on the innertubes, walk the dog, etc?  Will I only be defined as being a “mom” and loose myself?  Will I be able to maintain some sense of an independant life outside of kids?  This is the right thing for us, isn’t it?  Goodness, I’m gonna think myself right on into the crazies if I don’t stop it. 

Oh well, one thing’s for sure….I am developing an awesome pair of b00bages.

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