As the title says, it’s a couple minutes shy of 4:00 am. There is no work for me tomorrow so I should really be in the midst of a delicious dream right about now, perhaps involving some sort of tropical island, grand adventure or some such. But the concept of a good night’s sleep has eluded me for oh, the last 5 months and I’m not sure I’ll ever find it again. If I’m not up peeing, I’m struggling to turn over in bed, sitting indian style and leaning forward as far as possible, (which isn’t far these days mind you) trying to stretch out my aching hip joints, or have woken myself up with the weird reflux noises coming from the depths of my esophagus. It’s grand I tell you. I don’t mean to complain but….oh screw it….I am complaining, so sue me. Whoever came up with that saying that every pregnant woman hears time and time again, “sleep while you can” is full of doo doo. They should tell that to every woman BEFORE she gets knocked up because afterwards it’s much too late.
So here I am, spewing forth groggily formed delirious thoughts at what is now 4:06 am. And here’s what I got. The other day I was in my “thinking box” – otherwise known as either the shower or my beloved vehicle, the Elephant. In this case it was the shower. And I was thinking, wouldn’t it be cool if some smart inventive and half crazy person could create a personality transplant? It had been an abnormally weird week and I had the perfect candidate for my new medical/psychological procedure. I’ve learned over the past several years that some people are just born with a natural tendency to be completely selfish and inconsiderate of others. The ones who realize they are this way are the easier type to deal with as I imagine you could just treat them the same way they treat others and go on about one’s business realizing that the fact that you called them a selfish turd to their face was well deserved and you wouldn’t loose much sleep over it. But the other type, well, that’s a different bird altogether. This kind actually have no clue that they are acting inappropriately and are causing others stress, grief or other unpleasantness. They are just born that way and spew their negative energy without even realzing it and when they get in a “mood” they always, without fail, spread their stress inducing venom to anyone they come in contact with. And that’s the frustrating thing, they don’t mean it as a personal attack but it feels that way to the recepient of the freak-out-madness. What’s a person to do with someone like that? You can’t tell them off because you are sure to damage the relationship beyond repair and there are some situations where you just cannot afford for that to happen. Because the type of person I’m talking about is very sensitive and has no concept that they are causing you grief on a regular basis. That is just the way they are, born that way, with no understanding of how their actions effect others around them. They are caught up in their own personal life bubbles with no thought of yours. The only thing I know to do and what I have been doing for years is to simply sit back and take it. I’ve learned to recognize “the mood” and avoid the person as much as possible which is quite difficult given my situation. It’s getting harder and harder to do as time goes on but it seems there is no other option. And I must say that my tongue is getting quite sore from biting it all the time.
It’s now 4:22am and as I can see from rereading this that I’ve solved none of the world’s problems and have probably convinced anyone reading this that I’m a total nutjob with issues of my own that go much deeper than sleep deprivation, I am taking my aching hips and my cat back to bed. Good morning.