Bean Update – 35 weeks

Or should I say Samantha update? 

35 weeks as of yesterday.  Almost there folks!  I am so ready to get this kid outta my body!  It feels like I’ve been pregnant forever. 

Tomorrow is our childbirth class and I’m a bit nervous about that.  I don’t know if it is going to freak me out more than I already am or make me feel better because I’ll supposedly be armed with knowledge.  I’m the kind of person that sometimes needs to follow the “ignorance is bliss” motto so I am wary.  I think I’m most nervous about any videos they might feel the need to show us.  Whenever that stuff comes on the Discovery channel or TLC and I don’t cover my eyes in time, I feel sick to my stomach and just cringe.  I don’t understand why childbirth has to be such an agonizing process for a woman.  If it is indeed, because of Eve’s big screwup in the Garden of Eden, she had better grab her fig leaf and run because I know a lot of women who are ready to pummel her with bushels of rotten forbidden fruit when and if they see her.

There have been some positive things about being pregnant.  

I no longer have to feel self conscious about my belly fat because it’s now more of a “belly mountain” and it’s supposed to stick out!  Instead of wearing clothes to try and hide the jiggle, I can now wear clothes that accent the bump and be proud of my baby gut. 

In general, people are nicer to pregnant woman.  I had three men practically fall over themselves to open the door for me at the store the other day.  When I drop things, people can’t wait to pick them up for me.  People (especially women) seem to smile at me more too and seem a bit more polite and considerate than normal. 

Feeling baby girl move is quite amazing and I’ve actually been able to see my belly move in jerks and waves for several weeks now.  I’ve learned that when I drink cold water or anything carbonated, she gets wiggly. The Accountant has been able to feel and see her move several times and that is such a wonderful thing to experience together. 

Of course, there is also the negative to consider and I try to do so with humor if at all possible. 

When you consider what you did to become pregnant in the first place, the irony of the next nine plus months seems quite cruel.  I have never felt more un-sexy and unattractive in my entire life than I have over the past several months.  And this includes those awkward adolescent years so that’s saying something.  To the women who say they just “looooooved being pregnant” and never felt more sexy than when they were with child…I have a bushel or three of that rotten fruit saved just for you.  About the only thing more appealing about me physically these days is my fingernails and hair – it’s true about the hormones making nails stronger and hair look healthier.  But those strong fingernails are attached to ten of the chubbiest, most water logged, puffiest fingers you have ever seen.  I can’t even make a fist without wincing, I’m retaining so much fluid.  And my feet, same story.  Ankles, what are ankles?  Will I ever see them again? 

Sleep is elusive so I am tired all the dang time.  I have to sleep on my side and build a fort of pillows all around me.  This, along with the 5 pound protruding belly, make turning over quite the ordeal.  It is a process of moans, groans and grunts, followed by heavy sighs when I realize that I might as well get up and pee before turning over anyway.  When I finally do manage to roll myself out of bed I feel like I’ve been beat up.  Hips are aching and all joints are stiff and creaky. 

Getting around is becoming a joke.  I no longer walk, I waddle.  Getting out of the car requires a big push to the backside from The Accountant.  I waddle slowly and am easily winded.  It’s what I imagine an overweight duck or maybe a penguin must feel like. 

It’s been quite the journey so far.  I read a different perspective on pregnancy on a message board the other day.  It said that God knew what he was doing by making pregnancy so uncomfortable and last for so long.  It was because that by the time baby is ready to come out, we are so happy to get past this stage of being miserable that we welcome the pains of labor.  I don’t know if I fully buy that line of reasoning or not but it’s something to consider I guess.  Regardless of my complaints, I am so excited to be getting so close to meeting Samantha and am going to believe that all of this will be a distant memory and all be worth it once she’s here.  But when she gets to be a teenager and gives me any sort of grief, I’m going to show her this post and hope she feels guilty.  🙂



7 thoughts on “Bean Update – 35 weeks

  1. Great post and pics, Finn. You do realize I’m committing everything you say to memory so that if I ever get pregnant, I’ll come to rely on your teachings and witticisms the way others would rely on Dr. Spock, right?:)
    Thanks for making my day with this one and now I shall vacate the premises and come back with many moonpies and R.C.’s in hand which I shall drop off for you right shortly.

  2. I’m just glad to read something besides all that “I’m glowing” poofery about pregnancy. The realities of the physical situation are much more interesting to me as someone who’s never been in your boat.

  3. I haven’t be here in awhile, but man, I’m glad you dropped by! Congrats on being THISCLOSE to the birth!

    You’re pretty enlightening on the whole pregnancy thing. Ever since earlier this year when my “Swtich” flipped on the bio clock, I’ve been putting it into my five year plan to get pregnant. I’d like to have a kid before i’m 30, which means I’ve got four years to get engaged, married, have a dog, run a marathon and then finally get pregnant–hopefully in that order. But we know this universe is hardly ever ordered! 🙂

    I’m linking you today and putting you into my RSS burner, so I can read you regularly again. Once you’ve given birth, maybe we can share our running gripes!

  4. Be sure to talk to your doctor about the water retention. I know the doc will be watching it anyway, but bring it up if he/she doesn’t.

    Once you meet Samantha, the 9 months of poofiness will all be worth it. Of course. I didn’t need to say that… you already know it. 🙂

  5. Thanks ya’ll.

    Oh goodness Scout – I’m the last person you need to come to for advice with this stuff. LOL. I’m just tellin’ it like I see it from this side of the belly. 🙂

    Heartbreak – My knuckles have disappeared too! Soon I will be “jointless”….

    SQ – those self-proclaimed “glowing” ladies make me homicidal. Fer realz.

    Hi Maeko – thanks for coming back by! Yes, I’d love to discuss the running thing once I’m able to get back into it. If you don’t make the pregnancy thang by 30, don’t worry. 🙂 I’m a grand old 32 and having my first baby. I may be 42 before I get to complete my marathon goal, at this rate!

    Kathy – Yes, I am going to ask the doc about the swelling on Thursday when I go back. It’s gotten much worse the last several days. Hurts to make a fist even. Which sucks b/c I had to work really hard not to punch a few people today (at least mentally) when they were making “fat” comments directed toward me. 😦

  6. EEEK! So close! Yet I’m sure it seems so far. I know I felt like that too. My feet actually looked like two rolls of breat with little stuffed sausages on the end of them. It was pathetic.

    But you’ll forget it all once Samantha arrives…I can’t wait until we can all see her!

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