You know those women who claim to love their new post-childbirth-bodies? The ones who expound on the beauty and utility of their new boobs and maintain that they have embraced their stretchmarks as some honorable “badge of motherhood”?
I am not one of those women.
And those women are obviously lying. I’m just sayin’.
I agree with these same women when they say how awed they are that their bodies could produce such amazing little babies (all credit given to God of course). But my question is, why does such a beautiful creation that came from within my body have to leave it so completely wrecked?
I’ve been avoiding looking in the mirror for the last several weeks because when I happen to catch a glimpse of my reflection I physically cringe. Either that or I bite my lip and begin to tear up, which quickly escalates into me turning into a blubbering mash of quivering chins and jiggling cellulite while I curse my reflection and vow to never eat another chocolate chip cookie again. I’ll have ice cream instead. (I’m one of those people who eat more, not less, when they get down and out. And that obviously makes this particular problem worse. Woot.) But I digress.
That is not me. Those are not my stretch marks on that sagging jelly belly, those are not my thighs with the extra chunk, those are not my boobs with their new shape, that is not my butt that is still wearing maternity pants because it refuses to fit into even my old “fat” jeans, that is not my face with the two chins, those are not my upper arms that continue to wave goodbye even after I’ve stopped.
Newsflash to self – this is not my body!
Yeah I know, cry me a river right? Well I plan to, so go ahead and put on your waders. Seriously it has been over a year since I’ve felt a tiny bit “pretty”, least of all “sexy” in any way. The obvious answer to the physical dilemma is diet and exercise of course. I get that. And now that I finally feel like walking down the street won’t cause my internal organs to fall out , I have a plan in that regard. But what about the mental aspects of a positive body image? I struggled with that even before my newfound physique came along so I wonder if I can ever look at myself in the mirror again without truckloads of self depreciation and frankly, disgust.
I just want to feel attractive again for myself and for the only other person that it matters to and I want to stop feeling like I have to hurl whenever I see my new “mom bod”. Is it possible to get back there? I suppose only time will tell. Along with help from a multitude of salads, buckets of sweat and a few months worth of medication.