Over the past week I’ve started two drafts about a certain topic but I can’t seem to get across what I want to say in the way that I want to say it. Its clear in my head but refuses to come out my fingertips. Frustrating. Maybe I’ll get it out eventually. It’s nothing that will solve the world’s problems or anything, just something I’ve been thinking about that really bugs me about myself. One of many.
Onto another subject. I have a decision to make about whether I should pursue something or not. Ok, yeah, could I be more vague please? Sorry. Ugh, I just can’t articulate anything tonight! Anyway, it could work out great or it could backfire and make things worse. This situation and the one I can’t seem to get on paper make me wish I were more of a lot of things. More assertive, more confident, more sure of myself. Just more. And make me wish I were less of other things. Less timid, less unsure of past and current choices, less intimidated. Just less. I want certain things but I don’t know exactly how to go about getting them. And then many times I’m not even sure what it is that I want because I try all these different things and am still not satisfied. I get frustrated at myself for how I am. Wanting to be different. I want to be as Philippians 4:11 says “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content”. But you can’t just sit around and do nothing and be content, can you? Shouldn’t you make things happen? Shake things up? Rattle the cage sometimes?
Again with the meh.