faking it

Today I spontaneously spewed out a long crazy post and then reread it. Um, yeah, soooooo not posting that. It was just a bit too personal or confessional, or cheesy, or something. But then I thought, why am I self-censoring yet again? This is my blog and I can put whatever I want here, right? And then another thought – but your blog is just so “out there” for all to see. Eh, sometimes this blogging/online presence thing is so conflicting for me. Anyway, I decided to do a lot bit of editing and so here we are, a toned down version without all the angsty soul-bearing…

I’m watching the French Open and really wanting to go back to Paris. NBC keeps taunting me with shots of the Champs-Elysees, the Eiffel Tower and charming sidewalk cafes. The combination of the urge to hop a plane to anywhere and the gorgeous weather makes me restless.

Er, ok, so that has nothing to do with this post. I just felt like saying it. Anyway. I think I might be a big faker.

For example, I’ve assumed the identity of grad student, writer, various careers, etc. Maybe its more about trying different things out but not settling on one. Does that make me a quitter? Indecisive? Quirky? Creative? Adventurous? Matter of opinion I suppose. On some level, I guess I’m also pretending to be a mother, or maybe I should say that its more of a “learning as I go” kind of thing. And this is one role that you can’t quit, nor do I want to. But this isn’t about motherhood.

I have a few friends that surround me with positive energy and encouraging words. I try to spend the most time with those people because they are the ones who will tell me to stop my bitching and “just do it”. You want to be  a writer? So write! Run marathons? Lace up your shoes and get out there! Get your graduate degree? Brush off the books! Change careers? Polish up the resume! Get started…do it…don’t just talk about what you want to do or be…go and get it. I love those people because even though I have spurts of inspirational thinking and motivation, it’s not something I’m consistenly good at. I guess this means that I also pretend to be a positive thinker.

But hey, fake it till ya make it right?

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