i’m thinking (take cover now)

So I dunno if I like this new look or not but its different so we’re gonna roll wit it for now.

Today is…a day. I sit here as usual, struggling to stay awake. Struggling to sit in front of this screen and do that thing I do day in and day out. And it makes me sad. So I escape into my brain and I think.

I’m thinking of going somewhere, planning a trip to some place far away because I like to do that type of thing. And as John Mayer says, maybe I’ll “Plan a trip to Japan alone. Doesn’t matter if I even go.”

I’m thinking of getting out my journal and seeing what falls onto the paper. I did this last night and the results were shall we say, interesting. One day maybe I’ll share some exerpts here, censored and sanitized of course. Because that’s how this blog works.

I’m thinking of how I’d like to eliminate all the negative forces from my life, i.e., people who affect me negatively. But then, is that realistic? You hear people say that’s what they’re going to do all the time, but do they really follow through? How do you go up to someone and say “hey, I’m doing some purging and you are a negative influence on my life, get the hell out”?

I’m thinking of regrets I have, of insecurities, of fears. And how I know I’ll always have these yet it’s how I choose to deal with them that matters. How I choose to conquer them, not just live with them and have them always dangling from the edges of my thoughts and influencing everything that I do.

I’m thinking how sometimes I’d like to crawl back into bed and wallow under my covers and sleep for hours with no company but the silence. And how other times I want to be surrounded by throngs of people and wallow in the anonymity that a crowd can provide.

I’m thinking how now it’s time to open my door, clean up my lunchtime leftovers and sit here some more. Doing that thing I do day in and day out.

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