eating chocolate pudding: an instructional guide

Step 1: Insert index finger gingerly into pudding cup so as not to shock the taste buds with too much of a possibly good (or bad) thing all at once. Assess the situation and decide if you wish to continue eating said pudding by answering this very simple question…Do you like it or not? yes or no. If “no”, discontinue activity and ask mommy to turn on The Wiggles. If “yes”, continue to Step 2.

Step 2: Instead of throwing the spoon that is currently in your left hand onto the floor (as was the original plan had you not, for some strange reason, liked the pudding), insert spoon into pudding cup and bring carefully up to mouth so as to get a much larger bite of chocolately goodness than your finger can provide.

Step 3: Do not worry if you drip pudding onto your crisp white shirt. Your mommy should have known better than to give you chocolate pudding without putting a bib on you or stripping you down first. She will learn eventually, God help her. Continue eating pudding with the spoon. Look up and smile frequently so that mommy knows you are enjoying this new food and besides, she thinks it’s really cute when you do that.

Step 4: After finishing the pudding, now is the time to throw spoon and empty pudding cup on the floor for the dog to lick. Rub sticky chocolately fingers through your hair to ensure that mommy will have to give you a bath later and you will get to play with that really cool fish squirt bath toy she bought you at Target the other day. Look up at mommy with your big blue eyes and chocolate all over your cute face, pucker your lips at her and give her a big messy kiss. This should be good to use as a “credit” the next time you do anything bad like “accidently” poking mommy in the eye and laughing, for example.

Next week I’ll teach you…How To Pour Milk All Over Mommy Just Before She Walks Out The Door To Go To Work…this is a GOOD one and you don’t want to miss it!

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