its 4am and I’m wondering

The oddest things occur to me in that drowsy state between having answered the call of “Mooooommy” and taking the dog out. Like, how did the person who names nail polish colors get that job? Is it a random and casual process or does a lot of thought go into the monikers of Cranberry Crush and Polynesian Purple? Is it something a marketing person comes up with while standing in front of the water cooler or are there focus groups about these things?

My eyes are bloodshot and itchy. Maybe from allergies, maybe from crying. Pink eye was a possibility but I’ve self diagnosed that one away. I need to get my inhalers refilled. I’ve been clutching two old and empty ones  in my fingers on particularly wheezy nights. I puff when I feel the need but I’m pretty sure its just plain air I’m inhaling and not medication. But it seems to help, in my mind anyway. Its a security blanket really. Kind of like having my cell phone with me at all times. I feel naked without it even if it may not be very useful. A call to the doctor is probably in order, for various reasons.

The baby monitor sometimes makes strange noises and I don’t know if Sam is tapping the side of her bed or if it’s just something in the air in her room. She’s called out for me twice tonight. Once for a drink of water and once for a dropped pacifier that she’s really too old to be using but it just makes things easier at bedtime. We each have our security issues after all. The other morning she woke up and called out to all her family members in rapid fire succession, “Mommy, Daddy, Cooper”.  Wanting one of us to answer, so of course I did. She wanted to be held and rocked in the chair my grandmother gave me that we use every night for storytime and cuddles. I’m always happy to oblige. She’s been spending much of her days in Hello Kitty big girl panties and I’m so proud of her. I want to give her everything and yet, not spoil her too much. Good luck to me in finding that balance.

Good morning Finn’s brain. Its really time to try and go back to sleep now.

2 thoughts on “its 4am and I’m wondering

  1. you’re 4am in much more interesting than mine. I tend to go and sit on my porch and decide if I’m going to wake up or not. Thats about it. nothing too interesting.
    I love you’re snapshots of your mind and your beautiful family. I miss it when you don’t write. Just thought you should know.

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