If they sold confidence in a bottle, I’d buy it. But until then I’m perfecting the “fake it till you make it” method. I’m getting pretty good at it I think. This will be my biggest week in the new job to date so I’m very antsy. One hurdle was conquered this afternoon and I didn’t crash and burn and actually received some positive feedback so I feel good about that. The next big “thing” will be Wednesday. I want so much to do well in this and impress. I want to be more than simply adequate, I want to be great at it. And not just with the things I’ve got going on this week, I want to be great at the job overall, want to love it and excel at it.
I want very much to write about the job stuff. Its good self analysis and therapy to get it all out there. If I do post about it, I’ll password protect it but you guys still have to read it because I want to know what you think. I know the decision to take this job was the correct one, that is not in question. But there are new challenges and many adjustments and mindset shifts I’m trying to make. Did I trade one looney bin for another? What exactly am I supposed to be doing? Why are there bricks encased in aluminum foil on the floor? What IS that incessant beeping across the hall? Should I be wary that I pass a door everyday with a sign on it that says “No E Coli beyond this point”? What have I gotten myself into? Those are some of the questions I want to hash out on the screen.
Its easy to be confident when you grow up a big fish in a little pond. In my case, meaning the smallest of small towns and you’re a smart kid who does the right thing and follows all the rules. And then there is the real world of adulthood and life in the workforce filled with people trying to claw up the ladder or get published in the latest scientific journal or find a cure for cancer. These people have the right to be confident. They seem somehow entitled to it. I, on the other hand, don’t feel as sure of myself as these people seem to be. But maybe, just maybe THEY are “faking it until they make it” too? Could it be? Nah.