I love to watch people. No one is as they seem. The news of Wade Belak’s apparent suicide this week reminds me of that simple and yet very complex fact. From all appearances a happy-go-lucky guy with a beautiful family, great career, the whole nine. And yet, some people just have demons that no one can fathom until something like this happens and we are just left to wonder the what’s and the why’s of it all.
And so I watch people and wonder about them. What are their lives like, where are they from, what do they do, why are they wearing that horrible outfit, etc.
Its not always such serious contemplating on my part. For example, yesterday at the gym I watched a Pilates class get out and a couple of very attractive girls exit the studio. But I didn’t watch them. I watched a nearby man watch the girls as they left. He didn’t see me but I saw his eyes rove, the lingering look. Boys are so easy. One day I’m going to catch the man’s eye after he’s leered a little too long and I’m going to let him know that he’s been busted. It makes me laugh because we’ve all done it, he’s just being human. Its just funny and interesting to be an outside observer in that little slice of time when someone else is being real.
I sometimes wonder if people watch me the same way. I think about how I see myself and I know that it’s different from how others see me. Kind of like when you hear your recorded voice and it doesn’t sound anything like what you hear when you talk. I’d like to think that I appear to others as the confident, sure of herself woman that I’d like to be but I don’t think that is probably the case. But that’s ok. Because really I guess it doesn’t matter how others see you, it only matters how you see yourself. Even if its a little blurry.