Archive | April, 2012

proof I can dress like a girl

30 Apr

I wore a dress today.

Thought I should document it for posterity.

 

excuse me sir, why are you smelling that rug?

30 Apr
  • My workplace is very culturally diverse and I consider myself an open-minded person. So I’m not sure why the first thought that came to me when I saw a man kneeling on a little rug in the elevator foyer was to wonder why on earth he was smelling the floor. No no Finn, he was kneeling on a prayer mat facing Mecca. Sometimes our brains remain stuck in little boxes regardless of where we are.
  • There’s something comforting, if very suburban about the sound of the lawn sprinklers hitting the gutters at 5am on a summer morning.
  • I’m wearing wedges today for the first time since The Foot Incident. I’m just so tired of wearing tennis shoes every day. They don’t exactly go with my work wardrobe, and wearing athletic shoes with skirts is Just.So.Wrong. But anyway, back to the wedges. I feel like I’m walking awkwardly. And I might have twisted my ankle on the good foot and nearly busted my butt on the walk from car to office. And I also might have scraped the top of the bad foot with the refrigerator door after putting my lunch inside. There will be a bruise. And soreness. More soreness. Flippin’ Fiddlesticks.
  • I will jog/walk two measly little miles this afternoon if it kills me. Did you hear me foot and lungs and legs? It is happening.
  • The vacation I am taking in 2 weeks was approved today and I got a stellar job evaluation. I win! And I like using the word “stellar”. Maybe because it reminds me of this. Minus the R.

monday

29 Apr

I’m going to kiss you tomorrow!

A couple of things I heard this weekend that have been pertinent and have stuck with me…this one from a wise friend’s tweet…”he who angers you, controls you”…and that oldie but goodie, “Living well is the best revenge.”

Peacing out.

 

i’m not gonna lie

26 Apr

 

Today blew chunks. And the weekend can’t be over fast enough. Given a choice, I’d sleep my way through it and the next three weeks and only wake up to go on vacation.

But instead I’ll have to settle for something nice and distracting to do for the weekend. Maybe a trip to Chattanooga or the zoo.

Good day, Bad day

25 Apr

Like Good Cop, Bad Cop. But not.

I can feel it coming on. My chest tightens, seizing up. Shallow breathing, head throbbing. I thought I had a good handle on the week. And then today something in my head reversed and I’m angry and eating entire packages of Chips Ahoy again. Hello fat ass and stupid brain. Tomorrow I’ll sell my 1/2 marathon bib to a stranger and then probably go cry in my car in a random parking lot somewhere while beating myself up for being so petty. But there will be a new voice in my head, that of my therapist telling me to stop devaluing my feelings, cease the self bashing because it isn’t helping me. She’ll be saying I should just acknowledge that I feel the way I do and to stop all the followup commentary that I tend to do. And in  my head I’ll argue with her that regardless of the wisdom of her words, that right now I’m gonna give myself two mental black eyes and a busted lip, and then go eat some cake. Got it?

But lets back up…good things have been going on as well. I’ve been consistent with my exercise/walking/jogging plan for about two weeks. My foot is feeling better (minus today and it being angry at me for bonding too much with the elliptical yesterday). Kiddo had the cutest parade at her school today and the two of us had so much fun together. A long vacation on the beach is coming up in three weeks. My grandmother’s health took an upswing. The Accountant and I will be doing a 5K together this summer. Tax season is over. Yay to good things.

Also, random observation and opinion…men, don’t wear skinny ties. Or run with your shirt tucked in. You look like dorks when you do that.

too tired to think of a title

9 Apr
  • Easter was nice this year. Kiddo had a good one and got a nice Easter basket from the bunny dude. We didn’t have any family dinners or gatherings so munchkin and I went to the park for the day and had a nice time.
  • Today started off good and then did a bit of a flying flop. I can’t seem to get it together. Its discouraging and I hate not liking myself and being weak and fearful. I’m also having a few side effects from the meds….constant tiredness no matter how much sleep I do or don’t get. And muscle twitching, I only notice it at night while in bed but different muscles all of a sudden do a jerk/twitch. Its not painful, just weird. I’m reading that both the exhaustion and twitching are side effects of the meds I’m on. Fun.  I go back to the doc in a couple of weeks and will mention this stuff.
  • Bleh, I  had something else to talk about but am about to faceplant onto the keyboard so to bed I go.

Today….did NOT suck!

6 Apr

Ok, honestly today kind of did, but yesterday was good.

The  Accountant’s birthday was yesterday but we were too tired to celebrate much. Poor guy. Tax season is killing him and I’ve been immersed in federal grant land for weeks. But we have a sitter lined up for tomorrow night so we’ll do something in honor of his big day. Although, truth be told, I think we’d really prefer a nice long uninterrupted nap. Being an adult bites sometimes.

BIG NEWS PEOPLE…2 things actually…first and most importantly, I’m going to be an Auntie! My little brother and his wife are expecting their first! Kiddo will have a first cousin! I will have a niece or nephew and I will be the COOLEST, HIPPEST Auntie Finn EVER!

Secondly, I went to the foot doc again and…drum roll please…I am cleared to start some light jogging! I had prepared myself to be ready for him to tell me that I could start walking for exercise, so to hear the word “jogging” at all was unexpected and I thought I was going to cry for real. He even wrote me out a little exercise plan. I can’t run a marathon or anything but if all goes well, I should be 5k-ing it again in a few months. Except, get this…I’m scared to run/jog now. I’m so afraid I’ll re-injure it. I am never happy. But the plan is to go for short walks for the first week or two to get my road legs back and then I’ll bravely reenter the world of running. Me so happy! Oh wait, I just said I was never happy…How about “Me so bipolar”! (I’m not bipolar, that I know of btw, not that there’s anything wrong with that of course but just to clarify…ok, carry on.)

So as you can see, things are looking up and I am cautiously optimistic. I’m always tentative though (which is a shame) because I know that with one trigger I can crash again and be back in Depression-ville. One thing that bugs me is that I let external things control my brain when I should focus more on my internal self and the blessings that I have. All fodder for a future therapists I suppose. Speaking of that, I went and had an assessment/pre-therapy meeting last week and got referrals for a few to try out. I’ll take that step next week. And if you were wondering, the assessments I took said I was “extremely depressed and moderately anxious”, both of which need immediate treatment. Ha! Like we all didn’t know that. Shocker.

I’m  out.

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