Like Good Cop, Bad Cop. But not.
I can feel it coming on. My chest tightens, seizing up. Shallow breathing, head throbbing. I thought I had a good handle on the week. And then today something in my head reversed and I’m angry and eating entire packages of Chips Ahoy again. Hello fat ass and stupid brain. Tomorrow I’ll sell my 1/2 marathon bib to a stranger and then probably go cry in my car in a random parking lot somewhere while beating myself up for being so petty. But there will be a new voice in my head, that of my therapist telling me to stop devaluing my feelings, cease the self bashing because it isn’t helping me. She’ll be saying I should just acknowledge that I feel the way I do and to stop all the followup commentary that I tend to do. And in my head I’ll argue with her that regardless of the wisdom of her words, that right now I’m gonna give myself two mental black eyes and a busted lip, and then go eat some cake. Got it?
But lets back up…good things have been going on as well. I’ve been consistent with my exercise/walking/jogging plan for about two weeks. My foot is feeling better (minus today and it being angry at me for bonding too much with the elliptical yesterday). Kiddo had the cutest parade at her school today and the two of us had so much fun together. A long vacation on the beach is coming up in three weeks. My grandmother’s health took an upswing. The Accountant and I will be doing a 5K together this summer. Tax season is over. Yay to good things.
Also, random observation and opinion…men, don’t wear skinny ties. Or run with your shirt tucked in. You look like dorks when you do that.