A Stuart Smalley moment

I fell asleep at 7:30 with the kiddo, and just woke up after much tossing and turning at 10:30 and put her in her own bed. I would have just let her stay but I noticed a work email on my phone and needed to log on to email to check something. Plus, this kid kicks. Really, “needed” is not true. It would have waited until tomorrow but I was wary about this one.

I’m currently working with a pretty high profile person on a grant and I’d prepared some slides that I’ll be presenting at a meeting in a few weeks. I took the assignment and ran with it and had sent the slides to my mentor for feedback with the comment to be brutal with suggestions and any redirection. Hello Nervous Finn. I tentatively opened the attachment to see that she had made only one sentence change and one very constructive suggestion, which I will include tomorrow.

Sigh of relief and huge grin.

Which got me to thinking about how I always second guess my abilities and what I am capable of. I’m a smart cookie but one whose confidence is easily shaken and it drives me crazy. Surrounding yourself with people who believe in you is definitely helpful but not always possible and you have to prove yourself in many cases and/or fake it till ya make it. Which I can do but its usually anxiety inducing for me.

I am lucky that some bizarre alignment of the stars has recently put me back into contact with someone who, for reasons I will never know and my best guess is that I charmed her with my magnetic personality (sarcasm), believes in me and has for years. I interviewed for a job as her assistant way back when and she decided that I was “over qualified” but wanted to work with me in some way. She knew of a position elsewhere that she thought I’d be suited for and viola, we made it happen and I worked there until the funding ran out. During that time I did some ad hoc website building for her on the side and learned a lot from that experience. After the Screen Shot 2014-11-20 at 11.19.19 PMwebsite work, she and I lost touch for a bit. Then I found a new job and it turns out that my mentor works with this department on a consultative level and she found out that I had since landed there. She expressed the desire to my boss that she’d like to work with me again and repeat viola – now much of my current responsibilities are working with her. Its funny how things work out sometimes.

It is very important to me that I do a good job for her and I value her opinion and expertise so much. She is one of those rare people who are brilliant at what they do and want to help others find their place and actually takes the time to help them do so. Even a minion like me.

And as I am drugged up on Benedryl I am not sure if any of this makes sense, but the minion picture is super cute so we’re gonna call it a win.

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