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various thoughts at 3 am

14 Aug
  • Emotional rollercoaster today. It’s not something I can explain here. Its just…all the things. Bleh. Life is weird.
  • As mentioned in the title, it’s an ungodly hour and momma is up pacing, nervous as a cat. #1stdayofkindgergarten
  • Last day of daycare today for kiddo. Teary pickup. Last long commute home with her. Not so teary, for me anyway as kiddo was in a mood. Probably nervous like momma. It was a big day for her.
  • Today (Wednesday) is my Friday and it will be abbreviated. Not complaining there.
  • I feel like I am losing control of my exercise and eating. Again. My time management and organizational skills are nil and I’ve been preoccupied, by design. I’m all over the place. I’m so sick of starting and stopping and starting over a million zillion times. Why can’t I be consistent with anything? Frustrated with myself.
  • I got to take The Trekster out for an abbreviated spin after work. It was short and unsatisfying because, five year old who wants mommy like humans want air. But, I could at least tell that I made a great choice and am going to love this bike for a long time.

Trek FX 7.4…in mah driveway





Better stock photo

Better stock photo

mindfulness + llama = award segue

16 Jul

I find myself neglecting to stop and appreciate the little things sometimes. I believe in Buddhism its called Mindfulness. And really, not just the little things, big things too. Practicing mindfulness has been on my mind for a while, (hahaha, a little Buddha humor there, oh stop it, I’ll be here all night) and its something I think I would greatly benefit from, as well as those around me. Certainly the practice of mindfulness is much deeper than I describe here but how can making mindfulness a habit at any level, be a bad thing? Especially if it can help me find the set of car keys I misplace Every.Single.Day. Ha.

All that to say that I read Llama Llama Mad at Momma to kiddo’s class on Friday.

And wow, that is a huge leap to make from Buddha to Llama Llama but hold up, I got this.

I’ve read to kiddo’s class three or four times now and each time, I leave the daycare center calmer, happier, and more content. Those kids love the attention of a semi new face and I try to choose silly fun books and make goofy voices, crazy expressions, talk to them and engage them in the story. They are so cute, appreciative and loving. And this is from a girl who never even LIKED kids and dare I say, was severely averse to them and found them quite icky before I had my own. (That is an entirely different post).

The point is, it is way too easy to get bogged down in the little annoyances of the workday, the pettiness of routine or some random perceived drama and lose sight of what matters. That worn out and incredibly overused cliche “stop and smell the roses” comes to me and as cheesy as I find that saying, the meaning behind it is spot on.

I try to keep that positive vibe going throughout the day that I gained from reading to the lil’ crumb snatchers and it gives me valuable perspective. But only when I pay attention to it and don’t lose it by, well, not being mindful of those few minutes at the beginning of my day when I was sitting on the floor surrounded by chubby cheeks and expectant bright eyes. Certain things are important in life and those kids’ faces while I tell them about grumpy llama babies, muskrats in meadows, or the roar of a snore is one of the most meaningful ones.

Thus ends my little sermonette. Now, allay’all, go hug your babies!

quick check in

3 Sep

we had a nice day off together today. kiddo was super excited to go to school. she is loving her new room and teachers and is adjusting great. i am constantly amazed by her. her new favorite song is “boom boom, ain’t it great to be crazy”. it is so funny to hear her sing along with it. i love this song too because i relate to it quite nicely.  i’m afraid she is much like her mother.

hubs and i went to our favorite breakfast spot and i had chocolate chip pancakes for brunch…and the yumminess was not spoiled even one tiny bit by a friend referring to my “rat poop pancakes”. but really, now i will always think of that when i order these. thanks c. heh. sidenote: allison krauss walked out of the restaurant as we were standing in line. i wonder what she eats for brunch?

my bro gets married in one week! the wedding will be in my parents front yard and is going to be so cute and sweet. i am now in possession of the bridesmaids dress and shoes. its amazing but they both fit even though they were ordered site unseen. i’m excited for the big day and for my brother and my friend as they start a new life together.

there’s no news on the “thing”. i will be inquiring to the status next week. stay tuned for either great joy or colossal nervous breakdown.

tomorrow is bookclub. well, i should say today since its 1:30 am. i just finished The Lovely Bones. hello manic sobbing and 2 boxes of kleenex. seriously though, it was beautifully written and just so raw. i loved it even though it wrenched out my heart.

holiday weekend = yay. there will be cookouts and family and hopefully naps like this one.

peas ‘n carrots.

reframing the day*

20 Jul

Very rough morning today. I was already on edge from some other things going on. On edge, as in I lay in bed for 45 minutes willing some sort of rip in the fabric of the universe to happen so that I wouldn’t have to get up. On edge, as in I didn’t shower this morning and am wearing the same jeans that I had on yesterday. On edge, as in I don’t even care. 

I guess either kiddo could tell I was out of sorts, or she was having her own internal dramas. She’d been up at 3:00am and then again at 4:00. Wanting mommy to find a particular paci and hold her just so and rock her just so and cuddle her  just so and then cover her up, just so. This morning she wanted to go potty, but then she didn’t, but oh wait, then she did again. Repeat 20 times. She wanted to go left, oh wait, no, right, not really, left again. Repeat 10 times. She wanted the Pokey Little Puppy book. No, maybe Elmo instead. Ok, Pokey Little Puppy. Repeat 7 times.

She cried for an hour at home and then in the car. Crying so hard she could hardly catch her breath. Those deep chest rattling sobs. Mommy cried too. Silently, but raging in my head, things I’d never say out loud. Kiddo’s sobbing stopped a couple blocks away from salvation daycare. I looked back at her and the little booger grinned at me through red rimmed blue eyes. Gah. But then she started crying again when I tried to scrape dried and gooey bananas off her legs which was part of the breakfast she decided she didn’t want (my car has banana slices strewn everywhere, that’s gonna smell good later). Into daycare I trudge carrying kiddo, both of us a sniffling hot mess. Her teachers could obviously see how flustered I was and gave me kind words and hugs for my snotty faced toddler.

I got to work, took some deep breaths and decided to look at some pictures to remind myself just how good the good times are. And that I’m one of gazillion moms who struggle some days. But still, sometimes I don’t think I was meant to do this, don’t think I CAN do this. But I always do. Somehow.

*credit: Donita

in which i shake my fist at the universe…

29 Jan

…and she laughs in my face, and then spits snow in it.

Today was just bizarre. Here was my plan…take kiddo to day care, come home, make quick grocery run, get ready and drive back to town for an interview, interview, knock their socks off and get an offer on the spot, do jubilant cartwheels down the hall and all the way to my car, pick up kiddo at day care, come home and continue the cartwheel par-tay.

But you know what Burns said (and Steinbeck lifted) about the best laid plans…

Yeah, I knew what the weather forecast called for. But really, how many times have there been false alarms and mass panic at the grocery store due to the tiniest threat of snow? I was hopeful that cutie-pie Dan the Weatherman from Channel 4 would be wrong yet again and/or that the Blizzard of 2010 would hold off until I was done with my mission.

I got punkin delivered safely to school, drove back home, got groceries and then got the call as I pulled into my driveway…they wanted to reschedule the interview for next week due to the weather that was just now hitting. I was calm, I was cool despite the fact that I had to drive back to the “city” anyway to pick up kiddo. (And yes, I realize that a normal person would have kept kiddo and just dropped them at daycare before the interview and picked them up afterwards, thus saving a trip. However, I am not a normal person and prefer to make things as difficult as possible. Ok, not really, but I’m just not one of those moms who finds multi-tasking with a toddler an easy thing. So I thought I’d make things easier on myself and take Sam to her beloved school. Figured she’d have more fun there than with crazy distracted mommy who would be doing ten things at once.) Oh well, these things happen and now I am set to wow ’em on Monday instead. So there we go and here we are.

The rest of the day was pretty much perfect though. Sam was coloring with the other kids when I got there to pick her up and it was so dang cute. She was in a great mood the rest of the day, gave me many kisses and hugs, took a 4 hour nap which meant that I got about a 2 hour one, and we played and read a multitude of books until her bedtime.

The weather has put another dent in my weekend and there will be no attending the Predators game with bro and future sis-in-law tomorrow night. But we are just gonna shift our plans to next weekend and watch them take on the Sharks instead. By the way, if you want the tickets for tomorrow night, let me know and I’ll email them to you. Maybe you can ice skate to the game or something. Me, I’m not that talented.

We were also supposed to have a realtor come out and check out the house and give us the low-down on what we need to do to put it on the market. I haven’t heard but I’m guessing that’s off as well. I hope so as I didn’t do anything much in the way of cleaning or straightening up…

So, all this to say, flexibility is a good quality to have right? 

Tomorrow will be spent in flannel jammies, watching Sesame Street and playing with kiddo. Maybe we’ll get adventuresome and play in the white stuff. Although, get this…Sam seems to be scared of the snow. Day care has an open courtyard that was covered in snow when I picked her up. I thought, “oh this will be cute, we’ll walk through it on the way to the car and maybe play a bit”. Ummmm, no. She wouldn’t set a foot in it. And when I picked her up and I was going to walk in it to show her it was harmless, she wigged out. Not a fan apparently. We had to walk all along the sidewalk to get to the car because she wanted nothing to do with the snow. Funny kid.

I leave you with this. Because Robert Frost is one of my favorites.

“Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”
by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sounds the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.


8 Sep

I think my head might burst open. I have a killer headache. Oy.

Hubs and a coworker had an “incident” on the interstate today. A car swerved to dodge a semitruck tire that was in the road and the tire flew up and hit his car. I haven’t seen it yet but apparently the car is busted up pretty badly but is drivable and they are ok, which is the important thing obviously.

I had chocolate chip cookies for supper tonight. I’m not telling you how many. Be jealous.

So I talked to my advisor today…I don’t have to start the application process all over again, even though I officially withdrew from school after having Sam. I just have to resubmit an application and I’m good to go. No application fee or anything. Easy peasy. So I guess I just need to decide if I really want to do this and stop being so wishy-washy. Eek.

Sam is progressing at day care. Today she slept on a cot instead of in her crib. They do this before they move the babies into the toddler rooms to get them used to the cots since that’s what they will be sleeping on when they move up. She did really good with it today. She’s also really close to walking! I’ll keep you posted on that one but I cannot wait to see her take her first steps. I’m sure I’m going to cry.

I think people need to chill with the politics crap. I don’t get why people get all worked up over other people’s difference of opinion. Me, I just worry about my own stuff, I vote and let others do the same. I mean what? You want everyone to think exactly as you do? Now where’s the fun in that? Whatever people. Calm down. You can’t change other people’s opinions or control what they do. Just worry about yourself and go have a doughnut or something. I’ve got some chocolate chip cookies I’ll share with you.

I’m going to start writing again. I mean really writing. But right now, I’m going to bed.



15 May

Hi ya’ll. Sometimes I think I really should blog something or other and then I’ll just be like “nah”. I know some people read this to keep up with my exciting life that I don’t otherwise talk to very often so I somehow feel like I’m holding out on them if I don’t post about poopy diapers, crazy traffic or my lunch of doritos and a honey bun (this really happened today, long story, don’t bother asking). I was toying with the idea of going MIA here for a while but just can’t bring myself to make it official.

So here’s the latest…

I saw a movie in the theater for the first time since….um…can’t remember…Transformers, Harry Potter maybe? Hubs and I both had a day off at the same time (this NEVER happens) so we treated ourselves to a day at the movies and a nice breakfast AND lunch out. We saw Star Trek and it was great. I’m not a sci/fi trekkie sort of person so a lot of the characters and history were lost to me but I got the general idea. And who cared anyway ’cause Kirk was HAUT! And it just occurred to me that I’m a cheap date because we used a giftcard for both the movie and lunch. Hmmmm.

I have decided to start making more lists…(and to continue to use multiple ellipses when I write). I keep forgetting to do things. Like buy papertowels, mail the bills or bring my lunch. I need a personal assistant. That’d be great. Is it because I’m getting older? Have permanent mommy brain? Eh, who knows. It is what it is.

The Accountant has been on vacation this week and has gone on a home improvement rampage. When that boy gets motivated, he REALLY gets motivated. I’m talking ’bout renting bobcats and ditchwitches, digging drainage ditches, fixin’ stuff, mowing, climbing on the roof, painting, the whole nine (the exact opposite of what I would do on my vacation but we are opposites in so many ways). He’s also played Mr. Mom and taken over morning baby duty, bottle prepping, laundry, etc. I’m liking this.

Tomorrow I will attempt not to die as I participate in my first 5K in years with some very motivating and positive friends. I’m taking Sam and so will be pushing the 50 pound jogging stroller with a 20 pound baby in it so don’t expect to see me burning up the pavement. But I’m super excited to be doing it and hope it is the first of many this year. And wow, baby’s first 5K! That’s kinda cool.

Speaking of baby…Sam is doing great and just keeps developing her lil’ personality more and more every day. She’s a funny kid. In a good way. I love picking her up from day care and seeing her first thing in the morning because she is so excited to see me. I know all mom’s say this so go ahead and roll your eyes (I used to, it’s ok) but it really is amazing. One of my favorite things is when I pick her up from daycare to watch her for a few minutes before she realizes I’m there. It’s neat to watch how she interacts with the other kids and see how she acts in her own little world without me there to influence anything. Yeah, I know when she gets to be a teenager this will not be nearly as charming. Today I dropped her off with her teacher outside in the courtyard/play area and then I went back to the car to bring in her carseat. When I came back I saw her playing on a rocking horse all by herself, with her teacher nearby. She was rocking on that horse like it was the most wonderful thing she’d ever had the opportunity to do and she was screaming in delight. Pure joy, that little blue horse with the handles for ears. It was so stinkin’ cute I just stood at the window and watched her for a few minutes. Crazy kid’s gonna make her momma dissolve into a puddle of mush over and over again I can tell. Little stinker.

This working four days a week thing is wonderful, but I have to admit that it makes the workdays a bit more stressful because I have less time to get the same amount of work done. I am not complaining, just stating the facts. I’m trying to use it as an opportunity to hone my time management skills which have always sucked. So there’s that. I have brought work home a few nights to make things easier during the day. That seems to work, it’s just different for me. I’m super thankful to have a more flexible work schedule now and I think I’m a happier person in the office these days.

Monday Sam and I will make the drive to my parent’s for a visit and general hanging out. That will be tiring but great and I’m really looking forward to some family time.

Let’s see, what else….oh, next month is hubs and my ten year anniversary (gulp) and we’re recruiting grandma to babysit while we take a long weekend somewhere close by. And then zee beach is coming up in September. Sam’s first vacation and first ocean/beach experience! I wonder what she’ll do? Probably try to pee in the ocean and eat sand. It’s gonna be fun times ya’ll.


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