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2016 so far

24 Jan

…has already had quite a few ups and downs.

The Ups

My dad’s store moved to a new location and it is pretty amazing. Nicer and newer with better parking and facilities. It’s been a stressful time for him but I think things are finally settling down and falling into place.

Hubs had some big/positive things happen at his work that are in his/our favor. I’m sure it means more work and stress on his part but that comes with it.

Kiddo is happy and healthy and had a great Christmas and is doing well in school and dance. She has a lot of friends and loves her teacher. Pretty well-adjusted so far. I may pay for this in the teen years but so far so good.

I am officially a graduate student! Classes started last week and I’m pretty excited. This deserves it’s own post.

I’ve grown a lot closer to and have developed some great friendships with some amazing women at work. They have really been a wonderful support to me lately. It’s interesting because I’ve worked there for a couple of years now and have known these ladies the whole time but just in the past several months have really connected and started hanging out with them regularly.

I have been doing a ton of cross-stitching lately, for gifts and otherwise. I’ll have to post some photos. I find it very relaxing and just plain fun. My mom taught me how as a kid and it’s one of those hobbies I start and stop and eventually come back to.

The Downs

I am trying to find employment closer to home to eliminate the craptastic commute. I had a first and then second interview for a fantastic, exciting job and was really feeling good about it. I didn’t get it and I was crushed. That was/is a hard mental hit and I’m still struggling with it.

In that vein, depression is a real thing already this year. I’m dealing but it is a constant cloud that hangs over me.

I’ve already been to one funeral this year. My sweet sister-in-law’s father passed away.

I can’t seem to get in control of my weight. I’m trying and have friends who are in this with me and are a great help, but no one but me can do it. It can be so discouraging and I just want to sit in bed and eat cake. Yada yada. It’s such a weird thing. The whole body positive movement that seems to be popular these days is great. Loving the body you have now and all that jazz. I’m totally on board with OTHER people loving the body that they have…but not so much me; I don’t love the one I have and I’m not sure how to get there. You can say “I’m happy with my body, it’s beautiful, does all these great things, etc”…but to actually BELIEVE it. Not happening.

The plantar fasciitis is still bothering me. My own damn fault because I didn’t continue with PT like I was supposed to. I have a very self sabotaging mindset and this is a prime example. I do have an appointment for PT this week to start over however. Back on the horse and all that.

So there you have it!

Peas ‘n carrots,
Finn

the most boring post ever

23 Oct

Oy, what a weekend. Kiddo has been sick with stomach virus thing since Thursday. I’ll be staying home with her again tomorrow. Luckily, she seems to feel ok in between episodes and is eating and drinking fine. A call to the pediatrician yielded the usual advice of clear liquids, wash hands constantly, bland diet, it should pass within 7 to 10 days, etc. I’m crossing fingers that it doesn’t hit me or hubs.

Otherwise, life goes on. Work is fine, The Accountant is fine, all is fine. Don’t you hate that descriptor “fine”? It tells you nothing. It might as well be a non-answer or a neutral one at the most.

And I should get to bed as kiddo will be up by 6:00ish.

conquering the week

20 Jul

I feel like I’ve sufficiently conquered the week, even though its only Wednesday.

That second work “thing” I had to do is now over and it went pretty well. Not perfect and some unexpected things occurred, but overall feedback was positive. Now on to the next thing. I had lunch with a coworker the other day who gave me some good advice. My problem is not in taking advice, it’s in the implementation. I’m working on it.

Kiddo and I went back to VBS last night. For some reason this time she was clingy and I ended up going to her class with her and staying. Not sure what the difference was except that I left her to follow her group to class and she decided to turn around mid-stream and got confused in the crowd. Then it was all over. I want her to be independent and most of the time she does well but not last night. I also don’t want to be one of “those” moms who are attached to their child at all times. But anywho. This parenting thing is a learn as you go kinda deal I guess.

Not too much to say today really. Looking forward to a run tonight although at this very second I’m about to faceplant into my keyboard so I’m not sure I can muster up the energy to run 3 miles. But we shall see.

Tomorrow will be work and some birthday shopping for kiddo during lunch methinks. Maybe a trip to the pool with her in the afternoon but I make no promises. Friday is her little birthday party at daycare. Saturday, my parents come in for the weekend and Sunday will be a family birthday gig for the munchkin. I’m tired already but it will be a fun filled few days, of that I am certain.

21 Sep

I seem to have crawled into a hole here lately and haven’t been in much of a hurry to climb out. I owe several friends emails or phone calls and have just been withdrawn in general. Sometimes I have a tendency to shut down within certain circles. I’m so weird. There’s one big reason for it and many smaller ones.

and….here we are again. the above was written a day ago. now its 4 am and i’ve been awake since 2:30. that’s how i roll i guess. the good news is that i’ve answered 2 emails that were long overdue. here’s the thing. i’m unorganized and i procrastinate. and i am waiting for something to happen that is taking longer than i thought and still might not even happen at all. in which case i will probably disappear again. there’s just…stuff. and there is a very annoying bare minerals infomercial on right now that makes me want to throw the remote at the tv. by the way, i’m hungry and am clean out of poptarts and diet coke. must restock tomorrow, er, later today.

eh. peace out.

down time

16 Aug

It’s almost midnight on a work night and I know I should be in bed. Tomorrow is well, tomorrow, and I will stumble through it in what has come to be my normal zombie-like state. I’m having trouble getting to bed before this time lately. I just feel like this time of night is the only time I get time for me to be alone, decompress from the day and just be.

I have so much swirling around in my head these days. I just wish you could quiet your mind like you can quiet your body. Get your brain to drink some hot chocolate, burrow down under a quilt and just stop thinking for one minute. Stupid brain.  

The big things going on right now (each deserving of their own post) are my brother’s upcoming wedding next month (yay!), putting our house on the market and all that entails, finding another house and moving across town (ahhhhhhh), massive future job changes and current job stresses (this is really getting to me), the constantness of kiddo (wow, they really don’t go away do they? i keed i keed), and hoping to fit a mini-vacation in somewhere among all of this (yes please).

And then there are the things I’d like to do just for me. I want to write more. I have blog posts and poems and just silly things I’d like to get down on paper or on the screen. I have a list of books longer than a jumbo roll of toilet paper that I’d love to read. Friends I’d like to see, letters to write, scrapbooks to make, etc etc etc. Maybe when I retire.  So here I sit, thinking about all of this while my dog lays at the foot of the couch and chews on the stinkiest hoof ever. Ugh, dude, go away with that thing.

My brain and I are off to bed now.  After I spray the dog with Febreeze.

reframing the day*

20 Jul

Very rough morning today. I was already on edge from some other things going on. On edge, as in I lay in bed for 45 minutes willing some sort of rip in the fabric of the universe to happen so that I wouldn’t have to get up. On edge, as in I didn’t shower this morning and am wearing the same jeans that I had on yesterday. On edge, as in I don’t even care. 

I guess either kiddo could tell I was out of sorts, or she was having her own internal dramas. She’d been up at 3:00am and then again at 4:00. Wanting mommy to find a particular paci and hold her just so and rock her just so and cuddle her  just so and then cover her up, just so. This morning she wanted to go potty, but then she didn’t, but oh wait, then she did again. Repeat 20 times. She wanted to go left, oh wait, no, right, not really, left again. Repeat 10 times. She wanted the Pokey Little Puppy book. No, maybe Elmo instead. Ok, Pokey Little Puppy. Repeat 7 times.

She cried for an hour at home and then in the car. Crying so hard she could hardly catch her breath. Those deep chest rattling sobs. Mommy cried too. Silently, but raging in my head, things I’d never say out loud. Kiddo’s sobbing stopped a couple blocks away from salvation daycare. I looked back at her and the little booger grinned at me through red rimmed blue eyes. Gah. But then she started crying again when I tried to scrape dried and gooey bananas off her legs which was part of the breakfast she decided she didn’t want (my car has banana slices strewn everywhere, that’s gonna smell good later). Into daycare I trudge carrying kiddo, both of us a sniffling hot mess. Her teachers could obviously see how flustered I was and gave me kind words and hugs for my snotty faced toddler.

I got to work, took some deep breaths and decided to look at some pictures to remind myself just how good the good times are. And that I’m one of gazillion moms who struggle some days. But still, sometimes I don’t think I was meant to do this, don’t think I CAN do this. But I always do. Somehow.

*credit: Donita

why the long face?

23 Mar

This is me. Spreading sunshine everywhere I go. Yep yep. I mean, can’t you tell? Heh.

The not-so-funny thing is, I really am a fun lively laughing joking person when I’m out from behind a desk. Can we say “you got off at the wrong stop lady”? Yes we can.

Eh, anyway. Stuff ‘n things. Ummmmmm, I got nuthin’ I guess. Oh wait, here’s some stuff…the weather is great today. I restocked my supply of chewing gum. I’m wearing my Chucks. Sam made me laugh this morning (until she freaked out when I dropped her off at daycare). I have $5 to spend for lunch. Today is my Wednesday. Neil Young is coming to the Ryman (if you’re into Neil, this is good news anyway). I go see Garrison Keillor/Prairie Home Companion with my dad in a few weeks. My best friend and The Accountant’s birthdays are coming up the first week of April. Some lady in an SUV nearly ran me over this morning trying to cut over onto Music Row. I honked at her and might have saluted her as well. Might have.

End of stuff. Have a nice day.

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