Since You’ve Been Gone

I can breathe for the first time…Just kidding. After about a year’s absence I kinda just have to start over here. Here are the major highlights: I started a new job! ๐Ÿ™‚ Our dog died. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I restarted and then quit grad school. Again. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I’ve gained about 20 pounds. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ One out of four is not great, I realize. But the steady stream of … Continue reading Since You’ve Been Gone

2016 so far

…has already had quite a few ups and downs. The Ups My dad’s store moved to a new location and it is pretty amazing. Nicer and newer with better parking and facilities. It’s been a stressful time for him but I think things are finally settling down and falling into place. Hubs had some big/positive things happen at his work that are in his/our favor. … Continue reading 2016 so far

stars

The only reason I got out of bed this morning was to get my kid to school and then pick her up again this afternoon. Then I collapsed back under the blankets and willed my bed to swallow me whole. While meditation, yoga, therapy, and medication have dramatically decreased the frequency of the “episodes” I have, there are some days when even those things are … Continue reading stars

this is why i’m in therapy folks

Texts this morning from yet another friend who is struggling for different reasons. Sometimes people are incredibly mean, closed minded, and heartless in their well-meaning-ness, if that makes any sense. I know life is difficult and there are struggles to be had. Its not all peachy keen, hunky dory, sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, but I really don’t think it should be THIS hard for some … Continue reading this is why i’m in therapy folks

reset

Its like a cloud that descends. Sometimes not all the way, sometimes just partially but enough to skew my head into emo-ness and melancholy. And then it may clear just as quickly as it came, like today. I feel better now. I’m not sure what happened or why but I just do. A kind email and then lunch with a friend maybe made the difference. … Continue reading reset

brooding thoughts

Today was craptastic on a few levels. I felt like I disappointed someone very dear to me and then I felt belittled by another. I suppose I shouldn’t “feel” so much and both of those problems would’ve been moot, but that’s rather alien-esque isn’t it? To not feel what you feel because you simply feel it. Good grief, someone must have spiked my drink. I … Continue reading brooding thoughts

the latest

I’m more like Melancholy Melanie today rather than Crankypants McGhee. Progress people, it’s a slow thing sometimes. Memorial Day weekend turned out nice. I won’t recap the details but here’s a list of sorts…family walk on greenway, family cookout and subsequent soccer playing, trip to the zoo, puppet making and puppet show, gym, toy mini cooper driving, park, meeting new neighbors who turned out to … Continue reading the latest

my next post will be happy, I promise

A dear friend sent this article to me and I wanted to share. I cried and sniffled through it because that’s how I roll. But more than just tear-inducing, I found it to be succinct,ย  powerful, and more than a little refreshing. Finding God in a Little White Pill It occurred to me that I’ve been posting a lot about depression and sadness and yada … Continue reading my next post will be happy, I promise

check your ambition at the door

So, I’m like the poster child for testing new antidepressants. Bah. I went to the doctor today about some issues with my current ones so we are switching again. Bah. It’s not as bad as it sounds I guess. This is only my 4th kind over many years. That’s not too awful right? Bah. Do you read those informational papers that come with all medications? … Continue reading check your ambition at the door

shrinkage…

…of the head. Therapy of the mental sort continues once or twice a month. I just got back from today’s session. I started about a year ago this April. It has been both helpful and confusing and disturbing and unsettling and amazing. The benefits and enlightenment that comes from being able to talk to a neutral party about anything without fear of judgement, being the … Continue reading shrinkage…

stupid brain

So “they” say that a person’s truer personality comes out when they’re drunk/drinking. I agree with that to an extent in that a person’s inhibitions are tossed aside and you might be more outwardly honest (and stupid) in many ways. With that in mind, today I wondered about meds, antidepressants specifically. Am I more closely representing my “true self” while on meds, or while off? … Continue reading stupid brain

Today….did NOT suck!

Ok, honestly today kind of did, but yesterday was good. Theย  Accountant’s birthday was yesterday but we were too tired to celebrate much. Poor guy. Tax season is killing him and I’ve been immersed in federal grant land for weeks. But we have a sitter lined up for tomorrow night so we’ll do something in honor of his big day. Although, truth be told, I … Continue reading Today….did NOT suck!

Dear Runkeeper,

Thank you for sending me this. However, I am in fact, NOT “bored with my routine”, as you so helpfully suggested. You see, I no longer have a routine, unless you count lots of sleeping, cupcakes, and mentally tripping the senders of these relentless running emails as they walk down stairs. So by all means, please, I insist, have a handful of Whoppers and some … Continue reading Dear Runkeeper,