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Therapy: On Feeling Better

25 May

My latest therapy session was a good one. We spent a lot of time talking about simply wanting to feel better and using that as motivation rather than relying on a number on the scale or the size of my pants to dictate my mood.

I’m feeling all of my 42 years plus about 10 more these days. I shouldn’t struggle so much to get up off my kid’s floor, be winded after climbing a few stairs, or be so stiff that I have to literally roll off the bed and hobble to the bathroom because my joints haven’t “warmed up” yet.

Realistically, the goal of having a taut, lean body are long gone. I’ve lowered my standards and they are twofold.

1. Feel better physically overall.

2. Belly less protruding than boobs.

That’s legit it, and I really don’t think this is unachievable. Until I actually try to do it. I sounds like the cliched broken record here but, do you know what I had for dinner tonight? Leftover pizza and raw cookie dough. I KNOW that is not going to make me feel better physically and yet I do it again and again and again. Which tells me that this is more of a mental struggle than anything. Conquer the mind and you conquer the body, right? So how does one do that? I have zero clue and thus the cycle continues.

Dr. B and I talked about just focusing on doing fun things that I enjoy and that are active. Indoor rock climbing and cycling came to mind. I’ve done both and enjoy them, as much as I’m going to enjoy any physical activity. A further stretch is getting back into a dance class – maybe belly dancing even. I mean, I already have the belly so I figure I have a head start on that one.

I dunno. I tend to think that I should have this figured out by now and I feel really dumb for still struggling with this stuff at my age. I’m trying to ward off an impending funk but all I can think about as I stuff junk food in my face is how I’m getting fatter and fatter. Which carries over into my confidence in other areas and down the rabbit hole we go. Maybe there will be pie at the bottom.

Photo by Bekir Dönmez on Unsplash

Since You’ve Been Gone

20 Apr

aaron-burden-363695-unsplash


I can breathe for the first time…Just kidding.

After about a year’s absence I kinda just have to start over here. Here are the major highlights:

  • I started a new job! 🙂
  • Our dog died. 😦
  • I restarted and then quit grad school. Again. 😦
  • I’ve gained about 20 pounds. 😦

One out of four is not great, I realize. But the steady stream of good stuff that has continued through 2017 and into this year serves to even it out I think. We’re calling it break even anyway.

First, the job. Y’all know I have complained ad nauseam about Cubicle Nation for-freakin’-ever. I have been at the new gig for over six months now and I’ll be honest, barring being a kept woman or a travel writer, this is about the ideal job for me at this time and place in my life. I’m doing fun social media, communication, writing things at a non-profit. The commute is still outrageous, but I do get to work one day a week from home. The other negative was that I took a god-awful huge pay cut, but the trade-off was worth it to do worthwhile, fulfilling, and creative work. So yay happiness!

Second, the dog. Our chocolate lab, Cooper was ten and a half, and after a couple of weeks of obvious illness, we found out he had cancer throughout his liver. We had to put him peacefully to sleep. I’ve never had to experience that before and it was heartbreaking. But there was no way I was going to see him not be able to get around and in pain. This was the right choice. One day (if I can convince hubs) maybe we’ll get another dog. For now, we’re adjusting to life without our Big Brown.

Third, grad school. I continued work on a graduate degree in Liberal Arts, did a few classes, then a major bout of depression hit me, and I quit. Plain and simple. It sucked, and I kind of hate myself for it. But then the new job came along and it doesn’t have the tuition benefit anyway, so I suppose it was meant to be – if you believe in all that Fate crap. Anyway, maybe anything past a Bachelor’s degree just isn’t for me. Or maybe I’ll go back someday. Time will tell.

Lastly, weight gain. What’s there to really say about that? I still struggle mightily with depression and all the food issues that go along with that. And I like my sweets and junk food, sue me. Living healthier is constantly on my mind; it’s the doing it that hinders me.

So there you have it. A year’s absence caught up in a few paragraphs. Here’s to reviving Finnspace.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

minestrone soup

24 Nov

I’m trying this recipe today. I chopped up the ingredients last night and so it was a quick throw into the crock pot this morning. Hopefully our dinner will be tasty and veggie filled.

Minestrone Soup

UPDATE:

Delicious! And colorful. Because that’s important.

Minestrone Soup

Omelet you know…

21 Mar

Omelet…that I made a very ugly and somewhat overcooked, but very tasty breakfast for myself this morning! And because I’m nice and like to share, omelet you see it.

Somebody stop me.

Recipe from Cooking Light
Omelet with turmeric, tomato, and onions

Almost as good as chocolate cake. Almost.

13 Mar

strawberryshortcakeI have no idea what got into me the other morning before work. I got all ambitious and began making a no-bake strawberry shortcake. Of course I didn’t read the recipe all the way through or I would have learned that I had to freeze it for 3-4 hours before finishing the whipped cream and icing it. But I had to go to work, so I left it in the freezer all day and hoped for the best. It was completely fine and kiddo helped me finish it up that evening. Delicious and pretty. As all desserts should be.

Oh, I made meatless sloppy joes in the crock pot that morning as well. Those turned out ok but not my favorite. Hubs seemed to like them pretty well though.

Bon Appétit!

Soup’s on!

1 Feb

soupVegetable soup happened today. I was all systematic and stuff (which is NOT like me) and had my grocery list organized by aisle thanks to our store’s mobile app. I got home and threw all the ingredients in the crock pot and went about my day.

Sidenote: my crock pot was a wedding gift so it is a smidgen less than 15 years old. It works fine but is a bit smaller than I would like. And is as bare bones as it gets. Low and High are your only options. Is it a terrible sign of getting old that I would really like to receive a new crock pot for any random gift giving occasion that you might be struggling with for moi? That is all.

Anywho, it turned out really yummy and was as easy as it gets for this non-cook. I’m posting the recipe I used here because I will lose the link otherwise and never find it again.

Slow Cooker Hearty Vegetable and Bean Soup
http://skinnyms.com/slow-cooker-hearty-vegetable-and-bean-soup/

Servings: 6 | Serving Size: 1 1/2 cups | Previous Points: 3 | Points Plus: 3 | Calories: 183 |Total Fat: 4 g | Saturated Fat: 1 g | Trans Fat: 0 |Cholesterol: 47 mg | Sodium: 253 mg | Carbohydrates: 17 g | Dietary Fiber: 4 g | Sugars: 5 g | Protein: 6 g

Ingredients
1 sweet onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced (I used about 4 because yum, and vampires)
1 medium sweet potato, peeled and cut into 1” cubes (optional, white or red potato) – (I used red)
2 carrots, peeled and sliced into 1” pieces
2 stalks celery, diced
1 cup whole kernel corn (optional) – (yup, did the corn)
Kosher or sea salt to taste
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/8 teaspoon allspice
1 teaspoon paprika
1 bay leaf (didn’t use because my grocery store didn’t have any)
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes, more or less to taste (can be substituted with cayenne pepper)
2 cups frozen or fresh green beans
4 cups vegetable broth, low sodium (chicken broth can be substituted)
¼ cup freshly chopped parsley
1 (14.5 oz.) can diced tomatoes
2 cans cannellini beans, drained and rinsed (navy, black, pinto or chick peas can be substituted) – (I used one can of black and one can of cannellini)

Directions
Add all the above ingredients to the slow cooker, stir to combine, cover and cook on low 8-10 hours or until carrots are tender.

Note: To make this a meat dish, simply add 1 pound chicken fillets (cut into 1″ cubes) to slow cooker along with the other ingredients.

Tip: If you prefer a thicker soup, near the end of cooking time, remove 1/2 cup of soup (liquid and veggies) and combine with 1-2 tablespoons flour or corn starch, puree and return to the slow cooker. A fork works well to mash the ingredients along with the flour or cornstarch. Be careful not to allow the hot mixture to spin out. Continue cooking until soup thickens, about 15 minutes. Minimum Slow Cooker Size: 4 quarts

1/30/14

30 Jan

Kiddo’s sleepover last weekend was a success and hubs and I were able to enjoy a quiet evening at home. In preparation for our night in, we had planned to enjoy a Mexican feast of homemade nachos with all the fixin’s. A mistake was made in sending me to the store hungry and the cashier asked me if I were having actual Mexicans over for dinner that night because of all the crap I bought. I couldn’t decide if I should be offended on behalf of the local Hispanic population or not, so I just bade a hasty goodbye with my many bags of queso, salsa, and tortillas in tow. It was yummy but I am kind of tired of eating leftovers all week.

100dollars1A kiddo anecdote…I noticed an interesting paper in her school folder today but couldn’t quite decipher her writing. They are learning to put together sentences by sounding out and so of course, the results only make sense to 5 year olds who haven’t had the chance yet to be royally screwed up by the adults who made up the crazy rules of the English language. But I digress. The phrase to complete was “If I had 100 dollars.” I asked her what her answer was and she said “I would save it until I died.” Her father’s influence, I assure you. Misers, those two.

In movie and book news, I went to see Inside Llewyn Davis on Saturday at our local indie theater. I’m not usually a big Coen brothers fan but this one hooked me. I was unfamiliar with Oscar Isaac and found him to be fabulous. And you can’t go wrong with Carey Mulligan, Justin Timberlake and John Goodman. The whole cast was great, then add in Greenwich Village in the early 1960s, a funky plot twist and music via T Bone Burnett…come on. Its a win all around. I loved it so much.

I finished the Millennium trilogy last week. I’m a little bit behind I know. I found them to be serious nail biters. I got angry more than a few times, held my breath throughout, and even yelled out loud when the main bad guy finally got his comeuppance. I love books like that…ones that make you stay up all night reading because you can’t bear to put the book down even though you have to get up early to live your real life but prefer to live in another one during the hours before. Love it.

Wisdom from friends…the early part of this week found me to be a bit pissy. A friend asked how I was doing and I told him I was in a rather dark mood. His reply was “ohhhh, be bright.” Simple, right? Then he took me to lunch and had me laughing my head off an hour later. He looked at me and said, “see, you’re really bright now.” And I was.

Buenas noches!

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