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various thoughts at 3 am

14 Aug
  • Emotional rollercoaster today. It’s not something I can explain here. Its just…all the things. Bleh. Life is weird.
  • As mentioned in the title, it’s an ungodly hour and momma is up pacing, nervous as a cat. #1stdayofkindgergarten
  • Last day of daycare today for kiddo. Teary pickup. Last long commute home with her. Not so teary, for me anyway as kiddo was in a mood. Probably nervous like momma. It was a big day for her.
  • Today (Wednesday) is my Friday and it will be abbreviated. Not complaining there.
  • I feel like I am losing control of my exercise and eating. Again. My time management and organizational skills are nil and I’ve been preoccupied, by design. I’m all over the place. I’m so sick of starting and stopping and starting over a million zillion times. Why can’t I be consistent with anything? Frustrated with myself.
  • I got to take The Trekster out for an abbreviated spin after work. It was short and unsatisfying because, five year old who wants mommy like humans want air. But, I could at least tell that I made a great choice and am going to love this bike for a long time.

Trek FX 7.4…in mah driveway





Better stock photo

Better stock photo

too much

4 Sep

3:00 AM seems to be my time. My time to what, I don”t know exactly, just “my time”. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on kiddo’s floor (yet again) but here I am. Eating Honey Nut Cheerios from the box and struggling to remember my WordPress password because I don’t log in as much as I used to. I remembered it, obs. And dang, I am too old to be using terms like “obs”.

Part of the reason I haven’t posted much lately is that I am in this place where I’m extra conscious about what I put online. I’m kind of feeling a need to withdraw a bit and put less out there for reasons that I won’t go into here because, well, that would just be the ultimate irony wouldn’t it? Ha. Even though it is censored, sometimes life just seems too transparent when things are posted for the world to see if they stumble upon it or seek it out, either way. You never know who is reading and sometimes when you find out, its surprising. And just weird. There are options of course…the primary one is making this blog private, for my close friends and family only. Becoming less active or even deactivating Facebook, Twitter, etc. Maybe being extra conscious is enough but I don’t like the way that makes me feel. Constrained and limited. And y’all know how I hate to be constrained and limited. Repetitive themes my whole life.

And so, I sit here at 3:00AM and think about such things when it would probably be more productive to be prepping clothes and lunches for tomorrow to make my morning run smoother.

1 Jul

you know that feeling when you know you should go to bed because its really late but you don’t want to because your mind is whirling and you can’t shut your brain off, plus you’re not really sleepy and are just in that dreamy state of mind where random bizarre thoughts pop into your head and you are really considering driving to the airport and hopping a plane to Sao Paulo but in reality you know you can’t do that so you just think about it and decide to write in your journal instead but ten minutes later all you’ve done is doodle some daisies and 3D arrows so you get on the internet and google “how to interpret dreams”?

yeah, that.

2:50 AM

14 Dec

Up with a frantic kiddo doing the pee pee dance which resulted in a trip to the potty with no results. But hey, she tried. Yes, we are still in pull ups at night (her, not me, yet) and honestly, I’m not worrying about it until she’s 10 or so. Haha.

I know I don’t write here much anymore. Guess I’m too busy living life instead of recording it and that’s ok. Things are good. Life is good. I am blessed and fortunate.

Legs are aching like crazy right now, part of my non-sleeping I’m sure. Although I passed out on top of a puppy pillow pet and a princess dress complete with magic wand from the dollar bin at Target. Comfy really. But back to the leg issue. The running is going great. I’m in training mode for a half marathon in April and am currently just trying to increase mileage and not worry about speed. Which is convenient since I’m pretty slow. But the legs….they ache like growing pains or something. There are a few remedies I can try to see if that helps. I’m old I guess.

Work is good in its weird way. I’m in the midst of planning a pretty big event and being the worrier that I am, its stressing me a bit. But I think I’ve finally found a venue that should work as long as a zillion people don’t show up. But if they do, that would be a success in itself. I need to stop thinking so much and do better at taking charge, making decisions and being more aggressive in a way with this job. That’s a new role for me and is taking some getting used to. My own confidence in my abilities is sometimes fragile.

The holidays are fast approaching and I suppose we are about ready. I did the majority of shopping online this year and I have to say, it was one of my better ideas. Ha. Kiddo is pretty excited about Christmas. The Accountant and I have been leaving her little treats under the tree at random times from Santa. Her excitement is quite entertaining. She’s been doing this sweet thing lately of just as I close her door at bedtime to leave she’ll say “mommy?” I’ll say “yes sweetie?” and she’ll say “I love you mommy”. Good grief it melts me every time.

And now its 3:03 and I’m going to try sleeping.

these legs don’t sleep, they party

11 Oct

Like nursing home residents party. As in with leg cramps, aches, stiffness and joint pain. Yes, I’m up at 2 am with the new initiative, “Candy for Pee” (more on that another time, lets just call it an incentive program for nighttime potty training for now shall we?) and my soon to be 36 year old aching gams. I’m going to just pretend that it’s my legs becoming more muscular and less jiggly but then again, I do like to try and fool myself at times. Truth be told, I probably just need more potassium or some such but that’s not as exciting.

I know I’m rambling but did I mention that its 2:30 am and I am sleep deprived? I think I get this sleep disorder thing from my dear father. Up at all hours, sitting up in bed, sitting in the recliner (I haven’t gotten to that point yet but its just a matter of time), getting a drink of water, taking some tylenol, and all manner of other exciting insomniac night owl activities. I’m even considering a peanut butter sandwich right now and I don’t even LIKE peanut butter sandwiches. I am clearly delirious. Oh, hello Prince earworm, do come join the party won’t you? ♫ I get delirious whenever you’re near…♫

Another thing I sometimes do with I can’t sleep? Besides talk all crazy on this blog? Peruse quotes. Here’s a rather lengthy one that I found interesting. I’ll share it with the rest of you WHO ARE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW so that you may enjoy it when you wake up. I hate you all. (j/k really).

It’s at night, when perhaps we should be dreaming, that the mind is most clear, that we are most able to hold all our life in the palm of our skull. I don’t know if anyone has ever pointed out that great attraction of insomnia before, but it is so; the night seems to release a little more of our vast backward inheritance of instincts and feelings; as with the dawn, a little honey is allowed to ooze between the lips of the sandwich, a little of the stuff of dreams to drip into the waking mind. I wish I believed, as J. B. Priestley did, that consciousness continues after disembodiment or death, not forever, but for a long while. Three score years and ten is such a stingy ration of time, when there is so much time around. Perhaps that’s why some of us are insomniacs; night is so precious that it would be pusillanimous to sleep all through it! A “bad night” is not always a bad thing.

~Brian W. Aldiss

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