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Hello

24 Nov

I have that Adele song stuck on repeat in my head. It’s 4:00 am and I’ve been up for a bit. Kiddo has a cold and is snot breathing and gritting her teeth. As she is in my bed tonight, you can understand why I’m not sleeping well. Poor kid though. I know she feels crappy. I got up and tried to make her blow her nose and slather more Vicks on her but that didn’t go so well and I probably shouldn’t have woke her in the first place. Anyway, I didn’t mean for this entire paragraph to be about my kid’s mucus.

I grabbed my specs and laptop and snuck (is that an official word?) into the kitchen to chug some emergent-c in what is probably a futile effort to keep from getting sick as well. I’m now in kiddo’s room under hot pink blankets covered in peace signs. Because you wanted to know that.

Tomorrow is my Thursday. Yay holiday work weeks. We have the most lame Thanksgiving Day plans ever. Meaning nothing on the day of. Kiddo and I will go my parent’s Friday/Saturday, mainly because we have the extra day to do so, and maybe there will be leftover turkey and dressing or something. The visit will be nice regardless.

Changes are afoot for 2016, graduate school for me being one of them. That’s fodder for a later post but I’m excited and it’s a good thing. Another potential change I’m afraid of jinxing by writing about it, but I’ll know if that happens in the next few weeks. I do love change.

And now I’m sufficiently sleepy so Goodbye readers, and Adele.

 

stars

6 Apr

Screen Shot 2015-04-06 at 7.49.28 PMThe only reason I got out of bed this morning was to get my kid to school and then pick her up again this afternoon. Then I collapsed back under the blankets and willed my bed to swallow me whole.

While meditation, yoga, therapy, and medication have dramatically decreased the frequency of the “episodes” I have, there are some days when even those things are powerless against my anxiety and depression. On those days I am broken and the only thing I can do is wait it out and hope the cycle passes quickly.

When I fall, I fall hard but at least its usually onto a soft mattress and comfy blankets.

Tomorrow will be better.

weird energy

30 Oct

The best intentions…

I meant to walk myself, or at least the dog when I got home from work but one thing led to another (read errands, homework, kid bedtime) and next thing I know I’m waking up next to Kiddo and it’s 3:00am. I can’t get back to sleep so I utilize this bizarre surge of energy and straighten the house a bit, try on my Stitch Fix clothes and send fashion show pics to a friend because that’s what we do when Stitch Fix comes in, try to figure out which adapter I need for the new Mac (yes!), comfort Kiddo who scared the pee outta me when she silently crept into the kitchen and interrupted my conversation with myself to ask if she can watch tv which of course she can NOT because its 3:30am by this time and kid needs to go back to bed so I can do my weird mom can’t sleep thing.

So now it’s 4:42am and I’m just gonna go get that walk in now.

stress and therapists who text

17 Jul

Today was super stressful. Lots to do and my head just wasn’t in it. My brain was not working at all and I was struggling with concepts that should have been relatively simple. My boss probably thinks I’m a total doofus. Oh well. I powered through anyway and managed to get all the things done that were required. Small victories. Hopefully I didn’t screw anything up.

A therapy appointment that went over didn’t help my stress level either. It was productive as usual however. Its almost like sitting in a class about yourself. You’re the student and the therapist is the teacher…teaching you things about yourself that you may or may not know or realize. Its a bizarre thing at times. I should probably take notes.

And is it weird that my therapist texted me? I didn’t even realize she had my number and I was sitting in the waiting room and get a text from a number I didn’t recognize saying that this person was running late but would be there in five minutes. I didn’t answer and I thought there was a chance it was the doc but dismissed the thought until she comes in and says “hey did you get my text”? It just struck me as weird. Then at the end of the session she said she would text me some information on meditation resources and she did. Its like we’ve reached a whole new level in our relationship or something. Ha.

Ok, some yahoo crazy cuckoo person (me), booked a 5:45AM flight for in the morning. My reasons were noble (to maximize time with my friends) but man, getting up in four hours is gonna hurt tomorrow. I’ll manage on adrenaline alone though. I love traveling solo. Love it love it love it. I’ll be in Pittsburgh by lunchtime and all will be well.

various thoughts at 3 am

14 Aug
  • Emotional rollercoaster today. It’s not something I can explain here. Its just…all the things. Bleh. Life is weird.
  • As mentioned in the title, it’s an ungodly hour and momma is up pacing, nervous as a cat. #1stdayofkindgergarten
  • Last day of daycare today for kiddo. Teary pickup. Last long commute home with her. Not so teary, for me anyway as kiddo was in a mood. Probably nervous like momma. It was a big day for her.
  • Today (Wednesday) is my Friday and it will be abbreviated. Not complaining there.
  • I feel like I am losing control of my exercise and eating. Again. My time management and organizational skills are nil and I’ve been preoccupied, by design. I’m all over the place. I’m so sick of starting and stopping and starting over a million zillion times. Why can’t I be consistent with anything? Frustrated with myself.
  • I got to take The Trekster out for an abbreviated spin after work. It was short and unsatisfying because, five year old who wants mommy like humans want air. But, I could at least tell that I made a great choice and am going to love this bike for a long time.
Trekster

Trek FX 7.4…in mah driveway

 

 

 

 

Better stock photo

Better stock photo

weirdo beardo feardo

2 Aug

Its late. I just woke up feeling a bit panicky. That hasn’t happened in a couple of weeks. Nothing I can’t handle, just, feelings. The phrase “fake it till ya make it” popped into my head. True words.

Watched a few clips from AmelieAmelie because I’m weird like that and there’s something soothing to me about listening to someone speak French regardless of what they’re saying. See? Weirdo.

Tomorrow (er, today) I’ll take kiddo to daycare, then come back and do a quick pick up of the house so the new potential housekeeping people don’t run away screaming, then maybe a work out and or a walk, make sure I have everything I need for my weekend adventure, yada yada yada.

Hope you’re sleeping better than I am. Think I’m going to go walk the dog. Double weirdo.

Monday Funday

22 Jul

Not really but it sorta rhymed. Here’s some random stuff.

I went to bed semi-early last night. Because I’m old and tired and love sleeping almost as much as chocolate. Almost. Now if I could eat chocolate WHILE sleeping, then I’d really have something.

I’m having an extraordinarily bad hair day. I’m trying to grow it out and its in a weird stage. Not sure I will last much longer before I get my hair stylist lady to wack it off again. She asked me last week how I was fixing it. I said “I’m blowdrying it and praying”. Meh.

I got a very nice email thank you from the project leader of last Friday’s food giveaway. I wasn’t expecting that at all because she’d already thanked me profusely on the day of and was an awesome organizer and leader. Sixteen volunteers didn’t show up so she was exceptionally grateful to those that did. That email kind of made my morning. A personal “thank you” can make all the difference. I will definitely be back to help again on my next free Friday.

I really need to unsubscribe from The Wiggles listserv.

A friend has nearly convinced me to go Paleo with her. Honestly though, if I could just eat more veggies and fruits and less left over Disney Princess cake for breakfast, I’d consider that a win.

Twelve weeks until the half marathon. Running tonight.

Au revoir.

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