This was originally published on Girl Go Glow, but I wanted it to live here, too. The timing is right to post it tonight. I let my meds lapse and have been trying to hold it together mentally for the past couple of weeks until I can get back to the doctor on Tuesday for a new prescription. I did what you should never do … Continue reading Sometimes I’m Sad Panda
I agree with this article, to a point. Why You’re Depressed and Not Getting Better I’ve asked myself this very question many times and yet again over the past few weeks. It’s been a very low time. I’ve missed work because I couldn’t get out of bed. I’ve gotten ready for work and then had a breakdown in my garage and ended up crying and … Continue reading The Struggle Bus
Good news. I got a killer haircut and color today. Also, I’m back to my normal level of crazy vs. bedridden crazy. The darkness ran its course and is in the background until next time. That’s just the nature of it. My entire body is sore though and I feel stiff and creaky. I think mostly from doing a lot of walking at work in … Continue reading yo yo, etc
The only reason I got out of bed this morning was to get my kid to school and then pick her up again this afternoon. Then I collapsed back under the blankets and willed my bed to swallow me whole. While meditation, yoga, therapy, and medication have dramatically decreased the frequency of the “episodes” I have, there are some days when even those things are … Continue reading stars
So, I turned 39 today. I’m trying to feel positive about this and embrace the moment and all that jazz, but Ima keep it real and just say that it kind of sucks. I have a case of the birthday blues and feel pretty stupid and petty about it. And if anyone says “its better than the alternative”, I will punch you in the face. … Continue reading 29 and holding. Plus 10.
I saw this via Introverts Are Awesome on Facebook, who got it from peteandbuzz.com. While I haven’t felt like a bear lately, I do relate to this in a big way. Plus, it just cracked me up. Continue reading being a bear
I got 21 miles in this morning on Trekster. It felt amazing. Perfect weather, perfect scenery. The only thing that wasn’t perfect was my sore tailbone but that’s a small price to pay for cheap therapy. Speaking of therapy (am I awesome at segues or what?), mine went well the other day. I’m feeling better after, as well as thanks to some great friends I’ve … Continue reading Long morning ride
I wonder if those who’ve passed on can watch us, the ones left here. Are they shocked at the difference in someone they knew in life because they can now see how they really are in death? Can my grandma see me? And not just see me, but know what I’m feeling and thinking? Can she see my inexplicable sadness these past couple of weeks? … Continue reading in which i am a major downer
Today was craptastic on a few levels. I felt like I disappointed someone very dear to me and then I felt belittled by another. I suppose I shouldn’t “feel” so much and both of those problems would’ve been moot, but that’s rather alien-esque isn’t it? To not feel what you feel because you simply feel it. Good grief, someone must have spiked my drink. I … Continue reading brooding thoughts
A dear friend sent this article to me and I wanted to share. I cried and sniffled through it because that’s how I roll. But more than just tear-inducing, I found it to be succinct, powerful, and more than a little refreshing. Finding God in a Little White Pill It occurred to me that I’ve been posting a lot about depression and sadness and yada … Continue reading my next post will be happy, I promise
I just read this in my journal and it made me cry. Its like I need someone’s permission to be happy…someone’s blessing of sorts. Its so weird. And it makes me angry. Why am I hinging my own happiness on others? Why can’t I make my own way, make my OWN happiness? Is it because I’m a kind person who puts others before myself in … Continue reading
So “they” say that a person’s truer personality comes out when they’re drunk/drinking. I agree with that to an extent in that a person’s inhibitions are tossed aside and you might be more outwardly honest (and stupid) in many ways. With that in mind, today I wondered about meds, antidepressants specifically. Am I more closely representing my “true self” while on meds, or while off? … Continue reading stupid brain
Verdict: gained 10 pounds in a matter of weeks, change in meds, follow-up visit in a month, encouraged to seek therapy. Hello mid-life crisis. The next one that comes around I’m just going to buy a red sports car and be done with it. It sucks to know that the real you is so broken and messed up that it takes outside assistance to right … Continue reading sad panda goes to the doctor
That title makes me think of the kid’s show/movie, Kung Fu Panda, which we are big fans of in our house. Of all the kiddie shows out there, that one cracks me up and I love it even more than my offspring. Yes, we let our 3.5 year old watch that show. I know I know, we are so going to hell in a noodle … Continue reading sad panda
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