stars

The only reason I got out of bed this morning was to get my kid to school and then pick her up again this afternoon. Then I collapsed back under the blankets and willed my bed to swallow me whole. While meditation, yoga, therapy, and medication have dramatically decreased the frequency of the “episodes” I have, there are some days when even those things are … Continue reading stars

brooding thoughts

Today was craptastic on a few levels. I felt like I disappointed someone very dear to me and then I felt belittled by another. I suppose I shouldn’t “feel” so much and both of those problems would’ve been moot, but that’s rather alien-esque isn’t it? To not feel what you feel because you simply feel it. Good grief, someone must have spiked my drink. I … Continue reading brooding thoughts

my next post will be happy, I promise

A dear friend sent this article to me and I wanted to share. I cried and sniffled through it because that’s how I roll. But more than just tear-inducing, I found it to be succinct,  powerful, and more than a little refreshing. Finding God in a Little White Pill It occurred to me that I’ve been posting a lot about depression and sadness and yada … Continue reading my next post will be happy, I promise

I just read this in my journal and it made me cry. Its like I need someone’s permission to be happy…someone’s blessing of sorts. Its so weird. And it makes me angry. Why am I hinging my own happiness on others? Why can’t I make my own way, make my OWN happiness? Is it because I’m a kind person who puts others before myself in … Continue reading

stupid brain

So “they” say that a person’s truer personality comes out when they’re drunk/drinking. I agree with that to an extent in that a person’s inhibitions are tossed aside and you might be more outwardly honest (and stupid) in many ways. With that in mind, today I wondered about meds, antidepressants specifically. Am I more closely representing my “true self” while on meds, or while off? … Continue reading stupid brain

sad panda goes to the doctor

Verdict: gained 10 pounds in a matter of weeks, change in meds, follow-up visit in a month, encouraged to seek therapy. Hello mid-life crisis. The next one that comes around I’m just going to buy a red sports car and be done with it. It sucks to know that the real you is so broken and messed up that it takes outside assistance to right … Continue reading sad panda goes to the doctor