Tag Archives: family

breaking

20 May

I have seen my father break. Crushed under the weight of the illness and death of his own father when I was a teenager. Then again when cancer took his mother and only brother within mere weeks of each other. I know what it looks like when my father breaks. And there is no shame or weakness in the breaking.

Now I watch my mother. I watch her carefully and in awe as she cares for her dying mother knowing that this will be their last Mother’s Day together in this life. I see my forlorn grandfather lean on his oldest daughter for support as he watches his partner of 63 years slip away from him. I watch my mother as she processes the loss of another family member who took their own life this very week.

Outwardly, my mother shows no signs of breaking. But I wonder when the cracks will show. My father and I wait until she leaves her brief respite to return to care for grandmother. Then dad and I cry together for her. We all break differently. And there is no shame in the breaking.

June 30, 1937 – May 15, 2018

September Favorites

1 Oct

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it’s raining, it’s pouring

28 Aug

It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid

Life is not fair. Neither is death. A man should not have to bury his brother and on the same day, have to call in hospice for his mother. The antithesis of fair. But life isn’t designed to be fair, if there’s much design to it at all, which I frequently doubt.

Thank you to all who have offered thoughts, prayers, and words of comfort over the past weeks and in the days and weeks to come.

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