Tag Archives: parenting

teaching racism

24 May

A friend was over today and while our kids played together, we chatted as moms do. Friend said that her young daughter had come home from school one day and told her that she had a crush on a boy. The mom then said to me that this boy was “black”. She didn’t say the word black, but rather mouthed it to me silently, as if being black were this awful, horrible condition that is not to be spoken of out loud.

I looked at her and said, “oh…is that an issue”? To which she replied that yes it was. To which I retorted, “because that’s not an issue for me”. The Screen Shot 2015-05-23 at 11.53.58 PMconversation continued, but the subject was changed to crushes in general rather than the color of said crushes’ skin.

I was really unsettled by this exchange. Granted, our kids are too young to even have crushes or be thinking about such things, but that’s not the point I want to make here. This child has no idea that she “shouldn’t” have a crush on someone of another race. But she will be taught that this is wrong and unacceptable. It has perpetuation of racism written all over it.

I would have liked to have probed the mom for her reasoning behind this viewpoint but I didn’t push it. Her daughter sees this boy the way we should see everyone. As equals. Not as less than. Not as someone she shouldn’t like and admire based on the amount of skin pigment they happened to be born with.

Kids aren’t born racist, they are taught it by their parents.

fig newtons

13 Apr

It’s late and I should be in bed but I’m up stress eating fig newtons instead. This does not bode well for my weigh-in tomorrow morning. Whatever. I’ve logged over 8 miles of wogging and 10 miles of biking the past three days so I don’t feel too bad about it.

Current worry: Kiddo got in some trouble today at her after-school program. The   situation has been dealt with but the details of such make me worry in general. She’s a great kid but growing up is hard in general and navigating appropriate friendships, boundaries, physical changes, etc. is around the bend and I can see it coming bright as day. I was much less stressed before I had a child and I won’t pretend to not be envious of those without such specific stresses. And that’s just a fact jack.

So that’s the biggie for tonight. Anyway.

And I just read an article on all the evil ingredients in fig newtons. According to it, I’m going to die in my sleep tonight. Stupid internet.

I say “Ninja Turtle” three times in this post

22 Mar

IMG_20140322_172845_270bI got the office cleaned out and goodbyes said on Thursday. I’m more excited than nervous about Monday. I mean, what can I possibly mess up on the first day? The first week even? I’m probably tempting the new gig gods by saying that. I still need to figure out what I’m going to wear…and find my ID badge…and color my hair…and stop thinking…

It’s been a productive weekend otherwise as well and its only Saturday. Only continue reading if you have time on your hands and perhaps no life of your own. Deep breath and here we go….

Got the car through emissions testing, tags renewed, laundry caught up, walked a couple of miles, purchased a water softener, went out to eat, fell asleep with kiddo while watching Dumbo…Today was a trip to Toys “R” Us with the kiddo to wander the aisles of ninjas, superheros, Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles to find the perfect yet inexpensive birthday gift for one of kiddo’s classmates. We ended up with a Ninja Turtle (Raphael, I believe) and a Cars book/cd thing. Kids are so easy to please at this age. We also left the store with a coveted copy of Frozen which kiddo had to watch immediately on the car DVD player and then when we got home. Decorate a birthday card for 6 year old boy, bag the Ninja Turtle and head to the party at local trampoline place. Endure two hours of screaming, bouncing kids on trampolines, swinging from ropes and jumping into foam block pits…then pizza and cake (for kids only apparently…I looked on and quelled tummy growls and salivated), then mass chaos while birthday boy opened presents. Home for momma to eat leftovers while kiddo and The Accountant went on a short motorcycle ride. And now we are on our second home viewing of Frozen.

All of this because while life is sometimes maddeningly ordinary, it is also fabulous and well, some people are worth melting for.

/endsaturday

bribery by clothespin and blogging milestones

22 Jan

morningboardGood Morning board:
I’m trying something new with kiddo in an attempt to make our mornings go more smoothly. Mornings with her are hit or miss. Sometimes she’s raring to go and cooperative without too much nagging. But on other days she’s a royal pain, to be blunt. Oh sure, I can make her get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, etc and we always make it to school on time but I’d much prefer that this happen without tears or frustration from either of us.

Someone posted a “chore board” from Pinterest on Facebook and it gave me the idea to make a “Good Morning Board”. We made one together last weekend, she decorated it and I wrote morning tasks on clothespins that I need her to do without complaints or tears. We begin the morning with all the pins on the “To Do” side of the board and as she does them, she moves the pin to the “Done” side of the board. When all the clothespins are on the “Done” side, she gets a trinket from our homemade treasure chest that I stock with stickers, cheap-o items from the dollar bin, etc.

We’ve only used the board for two mornings so far but those mornings have been good ones. Although, morning #1 probably doesn’t count because she was super excited for her dentist appointment (because weirdo) so that was a big part of our first day’s success. This morning there was a bit less enthusiasm but she still did great and carried her board around with her as she did each thing and promptly moved the clothespins as appropriate. She will get bored (haha, I’m so punny) with this as she is her momma’s child so I’m going to try to curb that by keeping the items in the treasure chest new so its not the same ol’ things in there every day. Because ho-hum treasure chests are just a bummer in general I say. And, parenting is all about bribery.

Blogging Milestone:
WordPress told me today that Finnspace has been registered here for seven years. Seven yearshat. Ack. I have always thought that I wasn’t one to stick with things but I guess in this case, I’m wrong about that. I actually had this blog on another platform for a few years before that even. I’m not sure blogs are as in vogue with the cool kids as much as they used to be and many of the local oldies that I used to read have shifted to Twitter for quicker brain bursts. But I never claimed to be one of the cool kids anyway. Happy Blogging Anniversary to me!

Cold as $#&@*!:
Thank you TN weather for being quite lovely this weekend and then turning into a hellacious Siberian cold front the next day. Yikes. I did make good use of one of my many super cute hats but balanced that win by forgetting my gloves this morning.

Ciao,
Finn

in which i am a major downer

24 Sep

I wonder if those who’ve passed on can watch us, the ones left here. Are they shocked at the difference in someone they knew in life because they can now see how they really are in death? Can my grandma see me? And not just see me, but know what I’m feeling and thinking? Can she see my inexplicable sadness these past couple of weeks? Sometimes I wake up and remember that she’s gone and its like a surprise that I have to adjust my brain to again and again.

My sadness hasn’t been 100% due to her passing although that is part of my melancholy. I’ve been in one of my “black” periods, to be quite dramatic about it. Sleeping a lot, missing a bit of work, not socializing, shutting myself off, irritable, snippy, crying, lackluster. A good ol’ bout of old fashioned depression I guess. For a combination of reasons that are better left to my therapist’s ears during tomorrow’s visit than for me to lay out here. Feeling like I’m just taking up space, unfulfilled, not challenged, useless, second best, less than, etc etc. All the pathetic pitiful lame things. I feel wretched even typing this. Like, what is wrong with me??? Freakin’ crazy person, that’s what.

When this happens at its worst, I nearly cease to function. I don’t want to do anything but sleep. I have no motivation for anything but what I absolutely have to do to get by. I haven’t been eating well and exercise has been non-existent the past few weeks. I’m currently thinking that I won’t even bother with the 1/2 Marathon that I was training for. My heart isn’t in it anymore. That makes me feel like a failure. Again.

Kiddo has been pushing my buttons lately. She is severely attached to me. Like, I can’t go anywhere without her. She doesn’t want her daddy, she wants me. It’s sweet and endearing until I can’t remember who I was before being a mom anymore and am on the verge of running away. Really running away, not just to the grocery. Yesterday I finally put my foot down and went for a drive just to escape the responsibility. I came home to news that she had sobbed herself to sleep calling for me. My tombstone is going to read, “She lived every day trapped by guilt for one reason or another. Even when she fled to the grocery store for some peace”.

The mommy thing isn’t all bad of course and I don’t mean to insinuate that at all. We spent a great day at the zoo and at her best friend’s house, we went to her first Titans game, the ballet, rescued a turtle with a chopped off leg, yada yada. She’s funny and sweet and loving. The bad doesn’t last. It’s like the pain of getting a tattoo. The pain lasts until you think you can’t stand it anymore and then it stops, is soothed and then starts over again. But while the needle is poking you, over and over again…you wonder what in the hell you were thinking.

And I wish I could explain it all better. I know my impatience with kiddo is a by product of my mood and other things that are going on. That’s not fair to her and I try not to let her see it although I’m not always successful at that either. The Accountant doesn’t get it. Doesn’t understand why I’m just not happy, why I snap at him and kiddo, why I just start crying for no apparent reason. Basically, I’ve been a royal pain to live with lately.

I had a dream this morning. I was running. Through fields, up hills, through forests, in between weird blue crosses, along the beach…dodging cars and people…running fast and strong and free….I came to a path up a steep hill alongside the ocean. Instead of running along the beach, I choose the uphill path. I could see a sparkling city skyline over the top of the crest and I was running towards it as fast as I could. And then my alarm went off and I cursed the interruption. Always reaching for something that I can’t ever seem to obtain.

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